2.24.11
That is why the Holy Spirit says,
“Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled, when they tested me in the wilderness. There your ancestors tested and tried my patience, even though they saw my miracles for forty years.
So I was angry with them, and I said,
‘Their hearts always turn away from me. They refuse to do what I tell them. ‘
So in my anger I took an oath: ‘They will never enter my place of rest.’” Hebrews 3:7 – 11
And to whom was God speaking when he took an oath that they would never enter his rest? Wasn’t it the people who disobeyed him? So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter his rest. Hebrews 3:18 – 19
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
I want to believe. I want to obey. I want to trust. I want to be patient. I want to enter Your REST.
Lord, please help me with these desires. I know you want to give me peace of mind all the days of my life. You want me to rest in Your mighty, but gentle arms.
I think all too often I try to control my life, and I consistently fail. I think I know what’s best for me, and I put my trust and hope in what is seen. But God says through Paul, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)
I know when I fix my eyes on the temporary – the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day ahead of me, a large student loan debt, the potential for a life without an earthly husband – there is very little hope, and left to my own devices, this is what I do. Eat junk food, browse the internet mindlessly, surf television channels. I may find satisfaction in the ½ batch of peanut butter cheerio treats or the Law and Order: SVU marathon, but the fulfillment certainly doesn’t last longer than the 30 minutes it takes to go back and forth to the kitchen to eat the dessert or the 6 hours of being a couch potato (Disclaimer: The ridiculous quantity of cheerio treats and the all-day marathon have only happened ONCE.). Is this unbelief? Is God not faithful to His promises?
RATHER than focusing on my circumstances, which are temporary, and making poor choices in coping with them, why not follow God’s advice – FOCUS ON WHAT IS UNSEEN, THE ETERNAL. YES, I will have painful days BUT God says that suffering creates perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3), and that I can find His REST…peace…in the midst of the pain (5:1). YES, I have a great amount of money to pay back to the U.S. Department of Education BUT God promises to richly provide for all my needs. Worrying about wealth (or the lack thereof), which is so uncertain (1 Timothy 6:17), will not bring me REST. Rather, I should focus on the God-given gifts that have been enhanced in graduate school because of the financial assistance, and use them well as I counsel God’s created. REST will come when I focus on the fact that God knows what I need more than I do. YES, I am currently single BUT God promises to those who walk blamelessly before Him and trust in Him not to withhold good things (Psalm 84:11-12). So even if am never united with a man, God only will have withheld marriage because it is not good for me, and He will use me for His eternal purposes as a single woman. I can REST in that.
Ultimately, I live by faith, not by sight (2 Corithians 5:7), knowing that God has an eternal house in heaven for me (5:1)…that the pain and suffering here on earth only last for but a moment (eternally speaking, of course). Rather than placing my hope in idols or useless time wasters (the temporary) to give me REST…peace…I desire to place my hope in God’s promise for me (the eternal). He is faithful. He will give me TRUE REST. Help my unbelief.
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
“Unbelief means failing to rest in Jesus as your greatest treasure. So helping each other believe means showing people reasons why Jesus is more to be desired and trusted and loved than anything else.” John Piper
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Worth is NOT Contingent on Doing
2.7.11
I have been reading fiction stories almost every night before I go to bed. I discovered several months ago that it helps me to calm my brain before I dose off for some zzzz’s. God is so perfect in His timing. This is what I read a couple of nights ago, in the midst of freaking out about “good and bad”, “right and wrong”.
“How should a Christian feel about the little moments of her life? Do I sometimes sacrifice the moments for the mission? Does my busyness please my Savior?...I thought about how guilty I feel when I sit in the sun and enjoy its warmth. How I squirm when I’m asked to wait in the doctor’s office. I thought about the lists hanging at that very moment from the front of my refrigerator.” Bette Nordberg, “A Season of Grace”
It reminded me about something Pete Briscoe said about a week ago while he was preaching a message. He basically said that for many people in our Christian walks, we start out walking with Jesus, but we end up working for Jesus. When I heard that, I screamed (in my mind, of course), “That’s my life!”
A week later, I believe the day after I read the above chapter of “A Season of Grace”, I talked to my best friend, Heather, about my struggle with “right and wrong”, “good and bad”, the angel and devil mental battle. Her words were so wise; I’m sure coming straight from our Heavenly Father, knowing exactly what I needed to hear. She basically told me to take the worth out of my time or in other words, mentally take the importance out of what I do. She continued to say that what I do in the next 10 minutes will not determine God’s love for me, or the salvation of that person I have to tell about Jesus, or insert “should” or “must” here. I fill my mind with a lot of black and white thinking…a lot of I “should” do this, and if I don’t I’m a bad Christian or I’m letting God down or I’m doing something wrong, etc. Heather reminded me that MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. I’m always so focused on letting God down. Remember the video I wrote about a couple of week ago? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk ) The “typical Christian” in the skit expresses exactly the way I feel sometimes, “I’ve let you down so many times.” And then God replies, “No. You were never holding me up. I hold you up with my victorious, righteous right hand. In this relationship, I hold you up.” If I would just surrender control, it would make that so much more clear.
The truth is, though, that there is nothing I (key word, “I”) can do to make Him love me more or less. MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. God speaks into the Christian’s life by saying, “You’ve listened to far too many voices that aren’t of me. You think you’re junk, don’t you? Listen to me. I don’t make junk. What does that say about me? How can I show you that my love for you has no boundaries?” Even in the midst of pain, where God is chiseling me into His original masterpiece, He is doing that to make me more like Him...He is doing it out of love. His love is so great that He cannot leave me where I am at…reflecting some part that is not of Him. I will NEVER be perfect, so there will always be chiseling, but it is continuously out of God’s love for me. He doesn’t look at me, and say “You aren’t good enough.” He looks at me and says, “You are doing well, but I want you to look more like me.” He says, “You are my workmanship and I find favor in you.” He doesn’t have a smile on His face as He chisels away at me…it hurts Him too. But in the end, when I look more like Him, we are both smiling!
He finds FAVOR in me.
1 I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
– Psalm 30:1 – 5
Good people obtain favor from the LORD, but he condemns those who devise wicked schemes.
– Proverbs 12:2
3 Blessed are those who act justly,
who always do what is right.
4 Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people,
come to my aid when you save them,
5 that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones,
that I may share in the joy of your nation
and join your inheritance in giving praise.
6 We have sinned, even as our ancestors did;
we have done wrong and acted wickedly.
7 When our ancestors were in Egypt,
they gave no thought to your miracles;
they did not remember your many kindnesses,
and they rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.
8 Yet he saved them for his name’s sake,
to make his mighty power known.
-Psalm 106:3 – 8
God shows favor even when I screw up…do wrong…sin. And ultimately, Jesus saves. He took every wrong thing I’ve done or will do and died for it…I am covered by grace NO MATTER WHAT I DO, so even when I do make wrong choices, God still loves me. He may be angered for a time, but ultimately, His favor rests upon me. Of course, I still need to use wisdom and discernment in decision making, and be repentant of known sin, but I need to REST in my decision making process, trusting that if I am seeking God, He will do right and good through me.
I do good because God is good, and He works through me. Read below for proof!
Ephesians 2:8-10
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I need to stop working to do good on my own. It takes too much energy…energy that could be used RESTING in Jesus.
On that note, I rest.
I have been reading fiction stories almost every night before I go to bed. I discovered several months ago that it helps me to calm my brain before I dose off for some zzzz’s. God is so perfect in His timing. This is what I read a couple of nights ago, in the midst of freaking out about “good and bad”, “right and wrong”.
“How should a Christian feel about the little moments of her life? Do I sometimes sacrifice the moments for the mission? Does my busyness please my Savior?...I thought about how guilty I feel when I sit in the sun and enjoy its warmth. How I squirm when I’m asked to wait in the doctor’s office. I thought about the lists hanging at that very moment from the front of my refrigerator.” Bette Nordberg, “A Season of Grace”
It reminded me about something Pete Briscoe said about a week ago while he was preaching a message. He basically said that for many people in our Christian walks, we start out walking with Jesus, but we end up working for Jesus. When I heard that, I screamed (in my mind, of course), “That’s my life!”
A week later, I believe the day after I read the above chapter of “A Season of Grace”, I talked to my best friend, Heather, about my struggle with “right and wrong”, “good and bad”, the angel and devil mental battle. Her words were so wise; I’m sure coming straight from our Heavenly Father, knowing exactly what I needed to hear. She basically told me to take the worth out of my time or in other words, mentally take the importance out of what I do. She continued to say that what I do in the next 10 minutes will not determine God’s love for me, or the salvation of that person I have to tell about Jesus, or insert “should” or “must” here. I fill my mind with a lot of black and white thinking…a lot of I “should” do this, and if I don’t I’m a bad Christian or I’m letting God down or I’m doing something wrong, etc. Heather reminded me that MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. I’m always so focused on letting God down. Remember the video I wrote about a couple of week ago? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk ) The “typical Christian” in the skit expresses exactly the way I feel sometimes, “I’ve let you down so many times.” And then God replies, “No. You were never holding me up. I hold you up with my victorious, righteous right hand. In this relationship, I hold you up.” If I would just surrender control, it would make that so much more clear.
The truth is, though, that there is nothing I (key word, “I”) can do to make Him love me more or less. MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. God speaks into the Christian’s life by saying, “You’ve listened to far too many voices that aren’t of me. You think you’re junk, don’t you? Listen to me. I don’t make junk. What does that say about me? How can I show you that my love for you has no boundaries?” Even in the midst of pain, where God is chiseling me into His original masterpiece, He is doing that to make me more like Him...He is doing it out of love. His love is so great that He cannot leave me where I am at…reflecting some part that is not of Him. I will NEVER be perfect, so there will always be chiseling, but it is continuously out of God’s love for me. He doesn’t look at me, and say “You aren’t good enough.” He looks at me and says, “You are doing well, but I want you to look more like me.” He says, “You are my workmanship and I find favor in you.” He doesn’t have a smile on His face as He chisels away at me…it hurts Him too. But in the end, when I look more like Him, we are both smiling!
He finds FAVOR in me.
1 I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
– Psalm 30:1 – 5
Good people obtain favor from the LORD, but he condemns those who devise wicked schemes.
– Proverbs 12:2
3 Blessed are those who act justly,
who always do what is right.
4 Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people,
come to my aid when you save them,
5 that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones,
that I may share in the joy of your nation
and join your inheritance in giving praise.
6 We have sinned, even as our ancestors did;
we have done wrong and acted wickedly.
7 When our ancestors were in Egypt,
they gave no thought to your miracles;
they did not remember your many kindnesses,
and they rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.
8 Yet he saved them for his name’s sake,
to make his mighty power known.
-Psalm 106:3 – 8
God shows favor even when I screw up…do wrong…sin. And ultimately, Jesus saves. He took every wrong thing I’ve done or will do and died for it…I am covered by grace NO MATTER WHAT I DO, so even when I do make wrong choices, God still loves me. He may be angered for a time, but ultimately, His favor rests upon me. Of course, I still need to use wisdom and discernment in decision making, and be repentant of known sin, but I need to REST in my decision making process, trusting that if I am seeking God, He will do right and good through me.
I do good because God is good, and He works through me. Read below for proof!
Ephesians 2:8-10
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I need to stop working to do good on my own. It takes too much energy…energy that could be used RESTING in Jesus.
On that note, I rest.
In Waiting on God, I Shall Find Rest
2.7.11
“Let us resolve at once that it shall be the one characteristic of our life and worship, a continual, humble, truthful waiting upon God. We may rest assured that He who made us for Himself, that He might give Himself to us and in us, that He will never disappoint us. In waiting on Him we shall find REST and joy and strength, and the supply of every need.” Andrew Murray, “Waiting on God”
According to Andrew Murray, waiting on God means an utter dependence on God. Continual. Humble. Truthful….dependence on God. I am able to find rest (and joy and strength) when I depend on Him. He, in fact, will supply all my needs when I depend on Him.
Easier said than done. WHY?
My name is T and I am a control freak. It takes conscious effort to give up control, and depend on someone else. For the past 12 years, I have learned how to become independent, and in that time (and maybe there are some characteristics from before that time as well), I have learned very well how to control my life. I do certain things to try to make my life look like what I want it to. It doesn’t always work out the way I’d like it to, but I certainly try hard. I’ve been following Jesus for about 6 years. I’ve been struggling to give up control for about 6 years.
How on earth do I surrender control of my life and utterly depend on God?
That may be a key question in learning how to rest. In depending on Him, I shall find REST (and joy and strength…bonus!).
“Let us resolve at once that it shall be the one characteristic of our life and worship, a continual, humble, truthful waiting upon God. We may rest assured that He who made us for Himself, that He might give Himself to us and in us, that He will never disappoint us. In waiting on Him we shall find REST and joy and strength, and the supply of every need.” Andrew Murray, “Waiting on God”
According to Andrew Murray, waiting on God means an utter dependence on God. Continual. Humble. Truthful….dependence on God. I am able to find rest (and joy and strength) when I depend on Him. He, in fact, will supply all my needs when I depend on Him.
Easier said than done. WHY?
My name is T and I am a control freak. It takes conscious effort to give up control, and depend on someone else. For the past 12 years, I have learned how to become independent, and in that time (and maybe there are some characteristics from before that time as well), I have learned very well how to control my life. I do certain things to try to make my life look like what I want it to. It doesn’t always work out the way I’d like it to, but I certainly try hard. I’ve been following Jesus for about 6 years. I’ve been struggling to give up control for about 6 years.
How on earth do I surrender control of my life and utterly depend on God?
That may be a key question in learning how to rest. In depending on Him, I shall find REST (and joy and strength…bonus!).
Resting Difficulties
2.3.2011
Why is resting so difficult for me? I continuously doubt myself in the validity of rest. Of course it is valid time spent…the One and Only Jesus rested! I think the most difficult thing for me so far is deciding whether or not resting is right or wrong/good or bad in the particular moment/situation I am choosing to rest in.
Let me explain.
A couple of days ago, it was unclear as to whether or not we were going to get 2 – 4 inches of snow during the evening, but most weather stations were declaring that it was probably a small chance. Earlier in the morning, however, the meteorologists were talking about the BLIZZARD of 2011 that was on its way. It was supposed to begin with a few inches that night. Well, as the day went on, the chance of it significantly snowing that night were slim to none. BUT I had already determined earlier in the day that the chance of snow was a valid reason to skip class. Besides, I wasn’t looking forward to the discussion we were going to have anyway. Once I found out that it seemed like the snow was going to hold off one more night, I was really disappointed because I felt like I didn’t have a good excuse to skip class. Ridiculous. In the syllabus, it says we are allowed a free skip day. No excuse needed.
This is what went on in my head for nearly the whole day.
“You should go to class. It’s the right thing to do.”
“But you’re learning about rest. Why not just take this day off?”
“There is no good reason to skip. It’s not good to skip class. It’s wrong.”
“Why do I need a reason? It’s a free day. A day to rest. Why can’t I rest now?”
“It’s only the second week of class. Besides you had an assignment and you should participate in class.”
“Forget it. I’m skipping. Now I’m in a bad mood, and feel guilty for skipping. But I don’t care.”
It was literally like the angel and devil screaming in my mind. So frustrating. It ended up not feeling restful because I felt guilty for skipping class.
I know God calls me to rest. AND I know God calls me to work. Finding the balance of how much of each I participate in seems impossible to me. What is glorifying to you, my Lord? Please show me. I want to be satisfied completely in You. I want to be free from all this “right and wrong”…”good and bad” stuff. I want to learn how to rest. I want to just be me, which if I am delighting myself in You, will, in fact, reflect You.
Why is resting so difficult for me? I continuously doubt myself in the validity of rest. Of course it is valid time spent…the One and Only Jesus rested! I think the most difficult thing for me so far is deciding whether or not resting is right or wrong/good or bad in the particular moment/situation I am choosing to rest in.
Let me explain.
A couple of days ago, it was unclear as to whether or not we were going to get 2 – 4 inches of snow during the evening, but most weather stations were declaring that it was probably a small chance. Earlier in the morning, however, the meteorologists were talking about the BLIZZARD of 2011 that was on its way. It was supposed to begin with a few inches that night. Well, as the day went on, the chance of it significantly snowing that night were slim to none. BUT I had already determined earlier in the day that the chance of snow was a valid reason to skip class. Besides, I wasn’t looking forward to the discussion we were going to have anyway. Once I found out that it seemed like the snow was going to hold off one more night, I was really disappointed because I felt like I didn’t have a good excuse to skip class. Ridiculous. In the syllabus, it says we are allowed a free skip day. No excuse needed.
This is what went on in my head for nearly the whole day.
“You should go to class. It’s the right thing to do.”
“But you’re learning about rest. Why not just take this day off?”
“There is no good reason to skip. It’s not good to skip class. It’s wrong.”
“Why do I need a reason? It’s a free day. A day to rest. Why can’t I rest now?”
“It’s only the second week of class. Besides you had an assignment and you should participate in class.”
“Forget it. I’m skipping. Now I’m in a bad mood, and feel guilty for skipping. But I don’t care.”
It was literally like the angel and devil screaming in my mind. So frustrating. It ended up not feeling restful because I felt guilty for skipping class.
I know God calls me to rest. AND I know God calls me to work. Finding the balance of how much of each I participate in seems impossible to me. What is glorifying to you, my Lord? Please show me. I want to be satisfied completely in You. I want to be free from all this “right and wrong”…”good and bad” stuff. I want to learn how to rest. I want to just be me, which if I am delighting myself in You, will, in fact, reflect You.
Learn How to Rest - Sincerely, GOD
1.31.11
I began 2011 feeling a heavy burden. As I reflected on the past 3 ½ years, I realized how formative these years were for my Christian life. Formative in a sense in which I felt as if I had been constantly challenged to grow, become better, do more…constantly stretched beyond myself. As I drove with my friend, Jeff, on New Year’s Day), I was overwhelmingly desiring a break from God’s challenges. “I’m tired of being challenged. I’m weary from always trying to better myself…to do good. I just want a break God.”
The next day my pastor spoke about character…the character that gets us through the storms of life. He showed us a video called “God’s Chisel” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk), which is a creative skit portraying what it’s like for a typical believer to go through the process of discipline…to be chiseled into God’s masterpiece. We fight it. We make excuses for our less than Christlike character. We’d rather control our circumstances than put them in God’s hands. BUT really, we know that letting God forge our character and letting God control our circumstances leads to abundant life. The video showed me that God loves me too much to leave me where I’m at…indeed, a Father disciplines the ones He loves.
So I thought to myself, “Maybe asking God for a break is trying to control Him.” Instead of allowing Him to chisel away at those impurities that prevent me from showing His character…instead of allowing him to stretch and challenge me in my ways…I was asking Him to just leave me where I’m at.
Because Jeff and I had talked about this idea of desiring a break the day before, I texted him my thoughts about my request being another way for me to control God (I have a track record of trying to be the one in control). His response was this: “Maybe. Depends. You seem to be someone who is more likely to use business as control, not rest. I bet you might be scared of rest.”
So…taking a break = REST? At first, I brushed the idea aside. “I’m not afraid of rest.” BUT…there I was dreading my soon-to-be trip to Seattle to see my BEST friend, Heather. I couldn’t figure out why I was not excited to go…we always had amazing times together. It’s so interesting how God always has everything planned out perfectly and uses circumstances to teach us about ourselves and Him. As I continued to think about the trip and this idea of being fearful of rest, I realized that I was not excited to go because I knew that I would be stuck in Heather’s apartment for a whole week…alone…while she worked during the day. I was going to be forced to REST! “I am, indeed, afraid of rest.” Jeff was right.
In asking God for a break, I was really asking God for rest. I just didn’t know it. Really, my original thoughts led down this path: “I want to be free from being challenged…to be free from being stretched. I’m tired of working so hard. I’m tired of striving to be good…to be right. I’ll never be good enough and I’m tired of constantly feeling challenged”. For a few days, I was frustrated with God for chiseling me, and just wanted freedom from the burden I was feeling. I just wanted freedom to be me. The great thing is that I learned through this process that I CAN JUST BE ME! In fact, God wants me to just be me. He doesn’t want me to fight His work in my life…His discipline in my life, BUT he wants me to REST IN HIM.
My original desire to take a break may have, indeed, been my way of trying to control God…my way of saying, “I would rather control my circumstances than put them in God’s hand. I would rather stay the same for a while just so I can be comfortable and not worry about doing the right thing. I would rather life be easy for now”. By using my pastor's message, the video, and Jeff, God took that original twisted desire and turned into a godly desire. Now my desire to “take a break” means to learn how to REST in the One who loves me enough to not let me stay the same…the One who will do a good work in and through me. I can be free from striving to be good and right because it is through resting in God that I am good and do right. I can just be me, letting God forge my character and control my circumstances. How abundant life will be just being me.
Below is a quote from a book called “Waiting on God” by Andrew Murray. He sums up my thoughts perfectly.
“Let us think of ourselves, and the inconceivably glorious salvation God has wrought for us in Christ, and is now purposing to work out and to perfect in us by His Spirit. Let us meditate until we somewhat realize that every participation of this great salvation, from moment to moment, must be the work of God Himself. God cannot part with His grace, or goodness, or strength, as an external thing that He gives us, as He gives the raindrops from Heaven. No, He can only give it, and we can only enjoy it, as He works it Himself directly and unceasingly. And the only reason that He does not work it more effectually and continuously is that we do not let Him. We hinder Him either by our indifference or by our self-effort, so that He cannot do what He would. What He asks of us, in the way of surrender, and obedience, and desire, and trust, is all comprised in this word: waiting on Him, waiting for His salvation. It combines the deep sense of our entire helplessness of ourselves to work what is divinely good, and our perfect confidence that our God will work it all in His divine power.” Andrew Murray, “Waiting on God”
I began 2011 feeling a heavy burden. As I reflected on the past 3 ½ years, I realized how formative these years were for my Christian life. Formative in a sense in which I felt as if I had been constantly challenged to grow, become better, do more…constantly stretched beyond myself. As I drove with my friend, Jeff, on New Year’s Day), I was overwhelmingly desiring a break from God’s challenges. “I’m tired of being challenged. I’m weary from always trying to better myself…to do good. I just want a break God.”
The next day my pastor spoke about character…the character that gets us through the storms of life. He showed us a video called “God’s Chisel” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk), which is a creative skit portraying what it’s like for a typical believer to go through the process of discipline…to be chiseled into God’s masterpiece. We fight it. We make excuses for our less than Christlike character. We’d rather control our circumstances than put them in God’s hands. BUT really, we know that letting God forge our character and letting God control our circumstances leads to abundant life. The video showed me that God loves me too much to leave me where I’m at…indeed, a Father disciplines the ones He loves.
So I thought to myself, “Maybe asking God for a break is trying to control Him.” Instead of allowing Him to chisel away at those impurities that prevent me from showing His character…instead of allowing him to stretch and challenge me in my ways…I was asking Him to just leave me where I’m at.
Because Jeff and I had talked about this idea of desiring a break the day before, I texted him my thoughts about my request being another way for me to control God (I have a track record of trying to be the one in control). His response was this: “Maybe. Depends. You seem to be someone who is more likely to use business as control, not rest. I bet you might be scared of rest.”
So…taking a break = REST? At first, I brushed the idea aside. “I’m not afraid of rest.” BUT…there I was dreading my soon-to-be trip to Seattle to see my BEST friend, Heather. I couldn’t figure out why I was not excited to go…we always had amazing times together. It’s so interesting how God always has everything planned out perfectly and uses circumstances to teach us about ourselves and Him. As I continued to think about the trip and this idea of being fearful of rest, I realized that I was not excited to go because I knew that I would be stuck in Heather’s apartment for a whole week…alone…while she worked during the day. I was going to be forced to REST! “I am, indeed, afraid of rest.” Jeff was right.
In asking God for a break, I was really asking God for rest. I just didn’t know it. Really, my original thoughts led down this path: “I want to be free from being challenged…to be free from being stretched. I’m tired of working so hard. I’m tired of striving to be good…to be right. I’ll never be good enough and I’m tired of constantly feeling challenged”. For a few days, I was frustrated with God for chiseling me, and just wanted freedom from the burden I was feeling. I just wanted freedom to be me. The great thing is that I learned through this process that I CAN JUST BE ME! In fact, God wants me to just be me. He doesn’t want me to fight His work in my life…His discipline in my life, BUT he wants me to REST IN HIM.
My original desire to take a break may have, indeed, been my way of trying to control God…my way of saying, “I would rather control my circumstances than put them in God’s hand. I would rather stay the same for a while just so I can be comfortable and not worry about doing the right thing. I would rather life be easy for now”. By using my pastor's message, the video, and Jeff, God took that original twisted desire and turned into a godly desire. Now my desire to “take a break” means to learn how to REST in the One who loves me enough to not let me stay the same…the One who will do a good work in and through me. I can be free from striving to be good and right because it is through resting in God that I am good and do right. I can just be me, letting God forge my character and control my circumstances. How abundant life will be just being me.
Below is a quote from a book called “Waiting on God” by Andrew Murray. He sums up my thoughts perfectly.
“Let us think of ourselves, and the inconceivably glorious salvation God has wrought for us in Christ, and is now purposing to work out and to perfect in us by His Spirit. Let us meditate until we somewhat realize that every participation of this great salvation, from moment to moment, must be the work of God Himself. God cannot part with His grace, or goodness, or strength, as an external thing that He gives us, as He gives the raindrops from Heaven. No, He can only give it, and we can only enjoy it, as He works it Himself directly and unceasingly. And the only reason that He does not work it more effectually and continuously is that we do not let Him. We hinder Him either by our indifference or by our self-effort, so that He cannot do what He would. What He asks of us, in the way of surrender, and obedience, and desire, and trust, is all comprised in this word: waiting on Him, waiting for His salvation. It combines the deep sense of our entire helplessness of ourselves to work what is divinely good, and our perfect confidence that our God will work it all in His divine power.” Andrew Murray, “Waiting on God”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
