Resting Difficulties

2.3.2011

Why is resting so difficult for me? I continuously doubt myself in the validity of rest. Of course it is valid time spent…the One and Only Jesus rested! I think the most difficult thing for me so far is deciding whether or not resting is right or wrong/good or bad in the particular moment/situation I am choosing to rest in.

Let me explain.

A couple of days ago, it was unclear as to whether or not we were going to get 2 – 4 inches of snow during the evening, but most weather stations were declaring that it was probably a small chance. Earlier in the morning, however, the meteorologists were talking about the BLIZZARD of 2011 that was on its way.  It was supposed to begin with a few inches that night. Well, as the day went on, the chance of it significantly snowing that night were slim to none. BUT I had already determined earlier in the day that the chance of snow was a valid reason to skip class. Besides, I wasn’t looking forward to the discussion we were going to have anyway.  Once I found out that it seemed like the snow was going to hold off one more night, I was really disappointed because I felt like I didn’t have a good excuse to skip class.  Ridiculous. In the syllabus, it says we are allowed a free skip day.  No excuse needed.

This is what went on in my head for nearly the whole day.


“You should go to class. It’s the right thing to do.”

“But you’re learning about rest. Why not just take this day off?”

“There is no good reason to skip. It’s not good to skip class. It’s wrong.”

“Why do I need a reason? It’s a free day. A day to rest. Why can’t I rest now?”

“It’s only the second week of class. Besides you had an assignment and you should participate in class.”

“Forget it. I’m skipping. Now I’m in a bad mood, and feel guilty for skipping. But I don’t care.”

It was literally like the angel and devil screaming in my mind. So frustrating. It ended up not feeling restful because I felt guilty for skipping class.

I know God calls me to rest. AND I know God calls me to work. Finding the balance of how much of each I participate in seems impossible to me. What is glorifying to you, my Lord? Please show me. I want to be satisfied completely in You. I want to be free from all this “right and wrong”…”good and bad” stuff. I want to learn how to rest. I want to just be me, which if I am delighting myself in You, will, in fact, reflect You.