Crowns and Gold Metals

I used to be the queen of passive-aggressive behavior. I could have won a gold metal if there were prizes given for Best Passive-Aggressivist.

This behavior brought many challenges, but one of the most difficult for me was functioning in the presence of an individual whom I was upset or angry with. I would sulk in my own corner as far away from the person as possible, and if he would approach me, I would either refuse to talk or spout off unkind, sarcastic comments. I needed to show him that he hurt me. My sadness and/or anger would consume me, and I would shut down.

Shutting down was a key characteristic of this period in my life. There was absolutely no REST in my passive-aggressive behavior.

Several years ago, God sent a friend full of grace and mercy to challenge me in this unhealthy behavior. Not only did he help me identify it, but he also supported me through the pain of change.

Today I can say that I have given my crown and gold metal away, and have grown tremendously in my conflict resolution skills. Of course, there are still times I find myself going back to that default coping mechanism, but overall, I feel free.

Throughout these past few years, I have learned to function pretty well in most situations, including those in which I am uncomfortable or uncertain. In the moment, I find REST in God’s loving grace. In the moment, I am typically able to be myself even if there is tension or confusion. What I continue to struggle with, however, is finding REST in the moments before and/or after an uncomfortable or uncertain situation.

Thank you, Jesus, for taking my crown and gold metal. Thank you in advance for providing me with REST in the moments before and/or after uncomfortable or uncertain situations.


Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you…The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:13 – 14