3.28.11
“First He brought me here, it is by His will that I am in this strait place: in that fact I will REST.
Next, He will keep me here in His love, and give me grace to behave as His child.
Then, He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow.
Last, in His good time He can bring me out again—how and when He knows.
Let me say I am here,
1. By God’s appointment,
2. In His keeping,
3. Under His training,
4. For His time.”
-Andrew Murray
RESTing in the midst of difficult seasons is not easy for me. Typically these seasons are filled with anxiety, confusion, frustration, and gloom. I ask “why” and rarely find an answer. I try to run away, but rarely is that possible. I attempt to bury my head in the sand as if “hiding” is going to make the pain go away.
It isn’t until I turn my eyes to the One who brought me (or allowed me to be) here, that I find REST. He is the only One that can truly turn my anxiety to peace…confusion to clarity…frustration to serenity…gloom to joy. It is only through His love and grace that I can survive these trials in obedience, knowing that I will come out understanding a little bit more deeply what it means to REST in the midst of suffering. As I reflect on this now, I feel a sense of great peace knowing that my Daddy brings me into these difficult seasons only out of love for His little girl AND that He will always bring me out more mature and complete…and more in love with Him, which I’m guessing is exactly what a Daddy wants from His little girl.
So now I crawl up into His lap, tired and weary, lay my head on His chest, feeling His strong heartbeat full of love for me, and ask Him to help me be obedient in the midst of this season where I want to throw in the towel and say, “I’m done”.
“God will always make a way for His tired, yet trusting, children, even if He must split the sea to do it.”
-From a book called, “The Red Sea Rules”
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Breathe
3.19.11
“I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.”
“Breathe” by Anberlin
This song has a lot of memories.
I remember a time when the tears would often uncontrollably roll down my cheeks while I listened to these words, so badly desiring to breathe again. This was a stormy season in which I felt my spirit being stifled and my world rocked, the wind knocked out of me over and over again. During my jogs, I would cry out, “Lord, I want to breathe again! I want to feel alive again! Revive my spirit. Help me out of this pit of despair!” I couldn’t wait for the day when I could sing these words and truly mean it.
That day finally came, and the freedom that accompanied it was unbelievable.
A couple of weeks ago, I was running to this song, and I was brought back to that time. God taught me a lot about Himself, myself, and others during that most difficult season, but it certainly wasn’t fun in the midst of gasping for breath. Sometimes when I am presented with a decision of “right or wrong” (or I think there is a right or wrong – because sometimes there is no right or wrong), I feel breathless…no REST…just panting, wheezing, and desperate for fresh air. My mind races with possible outcomes…with potential consequences, good or bad…with the fear of displeasing my Father…with the fear of making the wrong decision! Frantic.
Last week, I got a glimpse of freedom…a hint of RESTful breathing. I decided I wanted to skip class…a very similar story to a few months ago, however, this time, there was very little turmoil with my decision. There were certainly instances throughout the day that I felt as if I had made the wrong decision, but this experience was a step toward freedom…a step toward understanding how to REST my mind. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but I wonder if it just comes with time, practice, and prayer, of course. I’m sure God will give me plenty more opportunities this year to make choices like this, and I can only hope and pray that I will continue to grow in RESTful confidence in decision-making.
I don’t think there will ever be a day here on this earth that I will be completely free to REST fully, but I believe God will honor my efforts, and one day I will be able to quote Anberlin’s lyrics and truly mean them again.
For now, I will celebrate a glimpse of RESTful breathing, and continue in this journey of learning how to REST.
“I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.”
“Breathe” by Anberlin
This song has a lot of memories.
I remember a time when the tears would often uncontrollably roll down my cheeks while I listened to these words, so badly desiring to breathe again. This was a stormy season in which I felt my spirit being stifled and my world rocked, the wind knocked out of me over and over again. During my jogs, I would cry out, “Lord, I want to breathe again! I want to feel alive again! Revive my spirit. Help me out of this pit of despair!” I couldn’t wait for the day when I could sing these words and truly mean it.
That day finally came, and the freedom that accompanied it was unbelievable.
A couple of weeks ago, I was running to this song, and I was brought back to that time. God taught me a lot about Himself, myself, and others during that most difficult season, but it certainly wasn’t fun in the midst of gasping for breath. Sometimes when I am presented with a decision of “right or wrong” (or I think there is a right or wrong – because sometimes there is no right or wrong), I feel breathless…no REST…just panting, wheezing, and desperate for fresh air. My mind races with possible outcomes…with potential consequences, good or bad…with the fear of displeasing my Father…with the fear of making the wrong decision! Frantic.
Last week, I got a glimpse of freedom…a hint of RESTful breathing. I decided I wanted to skip class…a very similar story to a few months ago, however, this time, there was very little turmoil with my decision. There were certainly instances throughout the day that I felt as if I had made the wrong decision, but this experience was a step toward freedom…a step toward understanding how to REST my mind. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but I wonder if it just comes with time, practice, and prayer, of course. I’m sure God will give me plenty more opportunities this year to make choices like this, and I can only hope and pray that I will continue to grow in RESTful confidence in decision-making.
I don’t think there will ever be a day here on this earth that I will be completely free to REST fully, but I believe God will honor my efforts, and one day I will be able to quote Anberlin’s lyrics and truly mean them again.
For now, I will celebrate a glimpse of RESTful breathing, and continue in this journey of learning how to REST.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Too Restless to Listen
3.12.11
“It just so happens” that God knows that music speaks to my heart.
The other night, I was saying goodbye to some people I love in a parking lot after a meeting, and as I was putting my car into drive, my friend held up his pointer finger signaling “wait!” I put my foot on the brake, rolled down my window, and waited for him to approach my car. He was very excited about sharing a cd with me, and eagerly said, “Listen to #5”.
A couple days later, I popped the cd into my laptop, and selected track #5, which “just so happened” to be called “RESTless”.
“You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens
Rising to Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
‘Till I rest in You
(Oh God I wanna rest in You)
Oh speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
‘Till I rest in You
Oh God I wanna rest in You
Still my heart
Hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow
Let it rise
Into a shout
Into a cry
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
'Till I rest in You
Oh God let me rest in You”
Luke had no idea that God has asked me to learn about REST in 2011. BUT God knew that He could use an ordinary person in my life to pass on a song that would speak to me.
I want to REST in You, Lord. Let me REST in You.
It seems that part of REST requires listening. Part of listening requires silence aka “not talking”.
God “just so happened” to use another ordinary person to speak to me a few days before I received these telling lyrics. It all started when I began explaining to Jeff how difficult the past 2 hours had been for me. Since October of 2008, I have been spending time with some wonderful people who have HIV/AIDS. There are two guys that have been at the house all along, but periodically there are new individuals that come to live there. This particular day, there was a new gentleman who was extremely talkative. I am not joking when I say that he talked for 2 hours straight. I couldn’t get a word in, which is pretty atypical for me. By the end of the night, I was completely worn out. After I told Jeff about the experience, he said that had happened to him once, and in the midst of the homeless man’s never-ending story, Jeff felt the Holy Spirit gently nudging him saying, “Look in the mirror”. Instantly, I knew that God was saying the same thing to me.
I love to pray BUT I love to talk. My prayer life is full of thanking, praising, petitioning, intercession, but rarely if ever, do I listen for that still small voice.
“It just so happens” that Lent was right around the corner of these interactions. I had been asking God to show me what He wanted me to do for these upcoming 40 days. He showed me. He wants me to listen, so I can REST in Him. So I have decided to fast for a meal once a week and spend that time in silence, listening for that still small voice. That may seem like peanuts to some, but for me, it’s a small step in the right direction of learning what it means to REST.
God, I want to REST in You. Help me to listen. Help me to hear You.
“It just so happens” that God knows that music speaks to my heart.
The other night, I was saying goodbye to some people I love in a parking lot after a meeting, and as I was putting my car into drive, my friend held up his pointer finger signaling “wait!” I put my foot on the brake, rolled down my window, and waited for him to approach my car. He was very excited about sharing a cd with me, and eagerly said, “Listen to #5”.
A couple days later, I popped the cd into my laptop, and selected track #5, which “just so happened” to be called “RESTless”.
“You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens
Rising to Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
‘Till I rest in You
(Oh God I wanna rest in You)
Oh speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
‘Till I rest in You
Oh God I wanna rest in You
Still my heart
Hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow
Let it rise
Into a shout
Into a cry
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
'Till I rest in You
Oh God let me rest in You”
Luke had no idea that God has asked me to learn about REST in 2011. BUT God knew that He could use an ordinary person in my life to pass on a song that would speak to me.
I want to REST in You, Lord. Let me REST in You.
It seems that part of REST requires listening. Part of listening requires silence aka “not talking”.
God “just so happened” to use another ordinary person to speak to me a few days before I received these telling lyrics. It all started when I began explaining to Jeff how difficult the past 2 hours had been for me. Since October of 2008, I have been spending time with some wonderful people who have HIV/AIDS. There are two guys that have been at the house all along, but periodically there are new individuals that come to live there. This particular day, there was a new gentleman who was extremely talkative. I am not joking when I say that he talked for 2 hours straight. I couldn’t get a word in, which is pretty atypical for me. By the end of the night, I was completely worn out. After I told Jeff about the experience, he said that had happened to him once, and in the midst of the homeless man’s never-ending story, Jeff felt the Holy Spirit gently nudging him saying, “Look in the mirror”. Instantly, I knew that God was saying the same thing to me.
I love to pray BUT I love to talk. My prayer life is full of thanking, praising, petitioning, intercession, but rarely if ever, do I listen for that still small voice.
“It just so happens” that Lent was right around the corner of these interactions. I had been asking God to show me what He wanted me to do for these upcoming 40 days. He showed me. He wants me to listen, so I can REST in Him. So I have decided to fast for a meal once a week and spend that time in silence, listening for that still small voice. That may seem like peanuts to some, but for me, it’s a small step in the right direction of learning what it means to REST.
God, I want to REST in You. Help me to listen. Help me to hear You.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Crowns and Gold Metals
I used to be the queen of passive-aggressive behavior. I could have won a gold metal if there were prizes given for Best Passive-Aggressivist.
This behavior brought many challenges, but one of the most difficult for me was functioning in the presence of an individual whom I was upset or angry with. I would sulk in my own corner as far away from the person as possible, and if he would approach me, I would either refuse to talk or spout off unkind, sarcastic comments. I needed to show him that he hurt me. My sadness and/or anger would consume me, and I would shut down.
Shutting down was a key characteristic of this period in my life. There was absolutely no REST in my passive-aggressive behavior.
Several years ago, God sent a friend full of grace and mercy to challenge me in this unhealthy behavior. Not only did he help me identify it, but he also supported me through the pain of change.
Today I can say that I have given my crown and gold metal away, and have grown tremendously in my conflict resolution skills. Of course, there are still times I find myself going back to that default coping mechanism, but overall, I feel free.
Throughout these past few years, I have learned to function pretty well in most situations, including those in which I am uncomfortable or uncertain. In the moment, I find REST in God’s loving grace. In the moment, I am typically able to be myself even if there is tension or confusion. What I continue to struggle with, however, is finding REST in the moments before and/or after an uncomfortable or uncertain situation.
Thank you, Jesus, for taking my crown and gold metal. Thank you in advance for providing me with REST in the moments before and/or after uncomfortable or uncertain situations.
Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you…The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:13 – 14
This behavior brought many challenges, but one of the most difficult for me was functioning in the presence of an individual whom I was upset or angry with. I would sulk in my own corner as far away from the person as possible, and if he would approach me, I would either refuse to talk or spout off unkind, sarcastic comments. I needed to show him that he hurt me. My sadness and/or anger would consume me, and I would shut down.
Shutting down was a key characteristic of this period in my life. There was absolutely no REST in my passive-aggressive behavior.
Several years ago, God sent a friend full of grace and mercy to challenge me in this unhealthy behavior. Not only did he help me identify it, but he also supported me through the pain of change.
Today I can say that I have given my crown and gold metal away, and have grown tremendously in my conflict resolution skills. Of course, there are still times I find myself going back to that default coping mechanism, but overall, I feel free.
Throughout these past few years, I have learned to function pretty well in most situations, including those in which I am uncomfortable or uncertain. In the moment, I find REST in God’s loving grace. In the moment, I am typically able to be myself even if there is tension or confusion. What I continue to struggle with, however, is finding REST in the moments before and/or after an uncomfortable or uncertain situation.
Thank you, Jesus, for taking my crown and gold metal. Thank you in advance for providing me with REST in the moments before and/or after uncomfortable or uncertain situations.
Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you…The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:13 – 14
Not Yet
2.28.11
I’m convinced that God has 3 answers to my prayers, and yours too.
Yes.
No.
Wait.
For a while, I was in the waiting period. Then, out of the blue, completely unexpected, His answer was YES! I should have been super excited, right? Well, instead of RESTing in His YES, and saying “Thank you”, I contemplated taking the prayer request back (even though I knew I couldn’t because as I said, He had just answered it with a big, fat YES).
Why was my reaction lacking REST? Especially when I was receiving something I had desired for a long time?
CHANGE.
I think I struggle to REST, to find God’s peace, in the midst of change and transition. I was going along in life with my agenda, flowing smoothly, allowing God to control some parts of my life, of course, but when this YES came, it meant CHANGE in another part of my life. Good CHANGE, but still an adjustment I just didn’t know if I was ready for yet. It was something I wanted, but maybe not yet. I kind of like my routine. It’s comfortable. There isn’t much risk. I’m in control.
Not yet.
I have a feeling that God knows that “not yet” could hold me back from the great plans He has for my life. Fortunately, He has equipped a few of my favorites with the gift of encouragement, the ability to ground me when I feel RESTless and uncertain, and the wisdom to challenge me in my “not yets”. Thank You, Daddy, and thank You for working through my favorites.
MY GOAL - Learn how to REST in the YESes, Nos, and Waits.
I’m convinced that God has 3 answers to my prayers, and yours too.
Yes.
No.
Wait.
For a while, I was in the waiting period. Then, out of the blue, completely unexpected, His answer was YES! I should have been super excited, right? Well, instead of RESTing in His YES, and saying “Thank you”, I contemplated taking the prayer request back (even though I knew I couldn’t because as I said, He had just answered it with a big, fat YES).
Why was my reaction lacking REST? Especially when I was receiving something I had desired for a long time?
CHANGE.
I think I struggle to REST, to find God’s peace, in the midst of change and transition. I was going along in life with my agenda, flowing smoothly, allowing God to control some parts of my life, of course, but when this YES came, it meant CHANGE in another part of my life. Good CHANGE, but still an adjustment I just didn’t know if I was ready for yet. It was something I wanted, but maybe not yet. I kind of like my routine. It’s comfortable. There isn’t much risk. I’m in control.
Not yet.
I have a feeling that God knows that “not yet” could hold me back from the great plans He has for my life. Fortunately, He has equipped a few of my favorites with the gift of encouragement, the ability to ground me when I feel RESTless and uncertain, and the wisdom to challenge me in my “not yets”. Thank You, Daddy, and thank You for working through my favorites.
MY GOAL - Learn how to REST in the YESes, Nos, and Waits.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Everlasting Rest
2.24.11
That is why the Holy Spirit says,
“Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled, when they tested me in the wilderness. There your ancestors tested and tried my patience, even though they saw my miracles for forty years.
So I was angry with them, and I said,
‘Their hearts always turn away from me. They refuse to do what I tell them. ‘
So in my anger I took an oath: ‘They will never enter my place of rest.’” Hebrews 3:7 – 11
And to whom was God speaking when he took an oath that they would never enter his rest? Wasn’t it the people who disobeyed him? So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter his rest. Hebrews 3:18 – 19
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
I want to believe. I want to obey. I want to trust. I want to be patient. I want to enter Your REST.
Lord, please help me with these desires. I know you want to give me peace of mind all the days of my life. You want me to rest in Your mighty, but gentle arms.
I think all too often I try to control my life, and I consistently fail. I think I know what’s best for me, and I put my trust and hope in what is seen. But God says through Paul, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)
I know when I fix my eyes on the temporary – the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day ahead of me, a large student loan debt, the potential for a life without an earthly husband – there is very little hope, and left to my own devices, this is what I do. Eat junk food, browse the internet mindlessly, surf television channels. I may find satisfaction in the ½ batch of peanut butter cheerio treats or the Law and Order: SVU marathon, but the fulfillment certainly doesn’t last longer than the 30 minutes it takes to go back and forth to the kitchen to eat the dessert or the 6 hours of being a couch potato (Disclaimer: The ridiculous quantity of cheerio treats and the all-day marathon have only happened ONCE.). Is this unbelief? Is God not faithful to His promises?
RATHER than focusing on my circumstances, which are temporary, and making poor choices in coping with them, why not follow God’s advice – FOCUS ON WHAT IS UNSEEN, THE ETERNAL. YES, I will have painful days BUT God says that suffering creates perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3), and that I can find His REST…peace…in the midst of the pain (5:1). YES, I have a great amount of money to pay back to the U.S. Department of Education BUT God promises to richly provide for all my needs. Worrying about wealth (or the lack thereof), which is so uncertain (1 Timothy 6:17), will not bring me REST. Rather, I should focus on the God-given gifts that have been enhanced in graduate school because of the financial assistance, and use them well as I counsel God’s created. REST will come when I focus on the fact that God knows what I need more than I do. YES, I am currently single BUT God promises to those who walk blamelessly before Him and trust in Him not to withhold good things (Psalm 84:11-12). So even if am never united with a man, God only will have withheld marriage because it is not good for me, and He will use me for His eternal purposes as a single woman. I can REST in that.
Ultimately, I live by faith, not by sight (2 Corithians 5:7), knowing that God has an eternal house in heaven for me (5:1)…that the pain and suffering here on earth only last for but a moment (eternally speaking, of course). Rather than placing my hope in idols or useless time wasters (the temporary) to give me REST…peace…I desire to place my hope in God’s promise for me (the eternal). He is faithful. He will give me TRUE REST. Help my unbelief.
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
“Unbelief means failing to rest in Jesus as your greatest treasure. So helping each other believe means showing people reasons why Jesus is more to be desired and trusted and loved than anything else.” John Piper
That is why the Holy Spirit says,
“Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled, when they tested me in the wilderness. There your ancestors tested and tried my patience, even though they saw my miracles for forty years.
So I was angry with them, and I said,
‘Their hearts always turn away from me. They refuse to do what I tell them. ‘
So in my anger I took an oath: ‘They will never enter my place of rest.’” Hebrews 3:7 – 11
And to whom was God speaking when he took an oath that they would never enter his rest? Wasn’t it the people who disobeyed him? So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter his rest. Hebrews 3:18 – 19
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
I want to believe. I want to obey. I want to trust. I want to be patient. I want to enter Your REST.
Lord, please help me with these desires. I know you want to give me peace of mind all the days of my life. You want me to rest in Your mighty, but gentle arms.
I think all too often I try to control my life, and I consistently fail. I think I know what’s best for me, and I put my trust and hope in what is seen. But God says through Paul, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)
I know when I fix my eyes on the temporary – the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day ahead of me, a large student loan debt, the potential for a life without an earthly husband – there is very little hope, and left to my own devices, this is what I do. Eat junk food, browse the internet mindlessly, surf television channels. I may find satisfaction in the ½ batch of peanut butter cheerio treats or the Law and Order: SVU marathon, but the fulfillment certainly doesn’t last longer than the 30 minutes it takes to go back and forth to the kitchen to eat the dessert or the 6 hours of being a couch potato (Disclaimer: The ridiculous quantity of cheerio treats and the all-day marathon have only happened ONCE.). Is this unbelief? Is God not faithful to His promises?
RATHER than focusing on my circumstances, which are temporary, and making poor choices in coping with them, why not follow God’s advice – FOCUS ON WHAT IS UNSEEN, THE ETERNAL. YES, I will have painful days BUT God says that suffering creates perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3), and that I can find His REST…peace…in the midst of the pain (5:1). YES, I have a great amount of money to pay back to the U.S. Department of Education BUT God promises to richly provide for all my needs. Worrying about wealth (or the lack thereof), which is so uncertain (1 Timothy 6:17), will not bring me REST. Rather, I should focus on the God-given gifts that have been enhanced in graduate school because of the financial assistance, and use them well as I counsel God’s created. REST will come when I focus on the fact that God knows what I need more than I do. YES, I am currently single BUT God promises to those who walk blamelessly before Him and trust in Him not to withhold good things (Psalm 84:11-12). So even if am never united with a man, God only will have withheld marriage because it is not good for me, and He will use me for His eternal purposes as a single woman. I can REST in that.
Ultimately, I live by faith, not by sight (2 Corithians 5:7), knowing that God has an eternal house in heaven for me (5:1)…that the pain and suffering here on earth only last for but a moment (eternally speaking, of course). Rather than placing my hope in idols or useless time wasters (the temporary) to give me REST…peace…I desire to place my hope in God’s promise for me (the eternal). He is faithful. He will give me TRUE REST. Help my unbelief.
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
“Unbelief means failing to rest in Jesus as your greatest treasure. So helping each other believe means showing people reasons why Jesus is more to be desired and trusted and loved than anything else.” John Piper
Worth is NOT Contingent on Doing
2.7.11
I have been reading fiction stories almost every night before I go to bed. I discovered several months ago that it helps me to calm my brain before I dose off for some zzzz’s. God is so perfect in His timing. This is what I read a couple of nights ago, in the midst of freaking out about “good and bad”, “right and wrong”.
“How should a Christian feel about the little moments of her life? Do I sometimes sacrifice the moments for the mission? Does my busyness please my Savior?...I thought about how guilty I feel when I sit in the sun and enjoy its warmth. How I squirm when I’m asked to wait in the doctor’s office. I thought about the lists hanging at that very moment from the front of my refrigerator.” Bette Nordberg, “A Season of Grace”
It reminded me about something Pete Briscoe said about a week ago while he was preaching a message. He basically said that for many people in our Christian walks, we start out walking with Jesus, but we end up working for Jesus. When I heard that, I screamed (in my mind, of course), “That’s my life!”
A week later, I believe the day after I read the above chapter of “A Season of Grace”, I talked to my best friend, Heather, about my struggle with “right and wrong”, “good and bad”, the angel and devil mental battle. Her words were so wise; I’m sure coming straight from our Heavenly Father, knowing exactly what I needed to hear. She basically told me to take the worth out of my time or in other words, mentally take the importance out of what I do. She continued to say that what I do in the next 10 minutes will not determine God’s love for me, or the salvation of that person I have to tell about Jesus, or insert “should” or “must” here. I fill my mind with a lot of black and white thinking…a lot of I “should” do this, and if I don’t I’m a bad Christian or I’m letting God down or I’m doing something wrong, etc. Heather reminded me that MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. I’m always so focused on letting God down. Remember the video I wrote about a couple of week ago? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk ) The “typical Christian” in the skit expresses exactly the way I feel sometimes, “I’ve let you down so many times.” And then God replies, “No. You were never holding me up. I hold you up with my victorious, righteous right hand. In this relationship, I hold you up.” If I would just surrender control, it would make that so much more clear.
The truth is, though, that there is nothing I (key word, “I”) can do to make Him love me more or less. MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. God speaks into the Christian’s life by saying, “You’ve listened to far too many voices that aren’t of me. You think you’re junk, don’t you? Listen to me. I don’t make junk. What does that say about me? How can I show you that my love for you has no boundaries?” Even in the midst of pain, where God is chiseling me into His original masterpiece, He is doing that to make me more like Him...He is doing it out of love. His love is so great that He cannot leave me where I am at…reflecting some part that is not of Him. I will NEVER be perfect, so there will always be chiseling, but it is continuously out of God’s love for me. He doesn’t look at me, and say “You aren’t good enough.” He looks at me and says, “You are doing well, but I want you to look more like me.” He says, “You are my workmanship and I find favor in you.” He doesn’t have a smile on His face as He chisels away at me…it hurts Him too. But in the end, when I look more like Him, we are both smiling!
He finds FAVOR in me.
1 I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
– Psalm 30:1 – 5
Good people obtain favor from the LORD, but he condemns those who devise wicked schemes.
– Proverbs 12:2
3 Blessed are those who act justly,
who always do what is right.
4 Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people,
come to my aid when you save them,
5 that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones,
that I may share in the joy of your nation
and join your inheritance in giving praise.
6 We have sinned, even as our ancestors did;
we have done wrong and acted wickedly.
7 When our ancestors were in Egypt,
they gave no thought to your miracles;
they did not remember your many kindnesses,
and they rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.
8 Yet he saved them for his name’s sake,
to make his mighty power known.
-Psalm 106:3 – 8
God shows favor even when I screw up…do wrong…sin. And ultimately, Jesus saves. He took every wrong thing I’ve done or will do and died for it…I am covered by grace NO MATTER WHAT I DO, so even when I do make wrong choices, God still loves me. He may be angered for a time, but ultimately, His favor rests upon me. Of course, I still need to use wisdom and discernment in decision making, and be repentant of known sin, but I need to REST in my decision making process, trusting that if I am seeking God, He will do right and good through me.
I do good because God is good, and He works through me. Read below for proof!
Ephesians 2:8-10
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I need to stop working to do good on my own. It takes too much energy…energy that could be used RESTING in Jesus.
On that note, I rest.
I have been reading fiction stories almost every night before I go to bed. I discovered several months ago that it helps me to calm my brain before I dose off for some zzzz’s. God is so perfect in His timing. This is what I read a couple of nights ago, in the midst of freaking out about “good and bad”, “right and wrong”.
“How should a Christian feel about the little moments of her life? Do I sometimes sacrifice the moments for the mission? Does my busyness please my Savior?...I thought about how guilty I feel when I sit in the sun and enjoy its warmth. How I squirm when I’m asked to wait in the doctor’s office. I thought about the lists hanging at that very moment from the front of my refrigerator.” Bette Nordberg, “A Season of Grace”
It reminded me about something Pete Briscoe said about a week ago while he was preaching a message. He basically said that for many people in our Christian walks, we start out walking with Jesus, but we end up working for Jesus. When I heard that, I screamed (in my mind, of course), “That’s my life!”
A week later, I believe the day after I read the above chapter of “A Season of Grace”, I talked to my best friend, Heather, about my struggle with “right and wrong”, “good and bad”, the angel and devil mental battle. Her words were so wise; I’m sure coming straight from our Heavenly Father, knowing exactly what I needed to hear. She basically told me to take the worth out of my time or in other words, mentally take the importance out of what I do. She continued to say that what I do in the next 10 minutes will not determine God’s love for me, or the salvation of that person I have to tell about Jesus, or insert “should” or “must” here. I fill my mind with a lot of black and white thinking…a lot of I “should” do this, and if I don’t I’m a bad Christian or I’m letting God down or I’m doing something wrong, etc. Heather reminded me that MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. I’m always so focused on letting God down. Remember the video I wrote about a couple of week ago? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk ) The “typical Christian” in the skit expresses exactly the way I feel sometimes, “I’ve let you down so many times.” And then God replies, “No. You were never holding me up. I hold you up with my victorious, righteous right hand. In this relationship, I hold you up.” If I would just surrender control, it would make that so much more clear.
The truth is, though, that there is nothing I (key word, “I”) can do to make Him love me more or less. MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. God speaks into the Christian’s life by saying, “You’ve listened to far too many voices that aren’t of me. You think you’re junk, don’t you? Listen to me. I don’t make junk. What does that say about me? How can I show you that my love for you has no boundaries?” Even in the midst of pain, where God is chiseling me into His original masterpiece, He is doing that to make me more like Him...He is doing it out of love. His love is so great that He cannot leave me where I am at…reflecting some part that is not of Him. I will NEVER be perfect, so there will always be chiseling, but it is continuously out of God’s love for me. He doesn’t look at me, and say “You aren’t good enough.” He looks at me and says, “You are doing well, but I want you to look more like me.” He says, “You are my workmanship and I find favor in you.” He doesn’t have a smile on His face as He chisels away at me…it hurts Him too. But in the end, when I look more like Him, we are both smiling!
He finds FAVOR in me.
1 I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
– Psalm 30:1 – 5
Good people obtain favor from the LORD, but he condemns those who devise wicked schemes.
– Proverbs 12:2
3 Blessed are those who act justly,
who always do what is right.
4 Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people,
come to my aid when you save them,
5 that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones,
that I may share in the joy of your nation
and join your inheritance in giving praise.
6 We have sinned, even as our ancestors did;
we have done wrong and acted wickedly.
7 When our ancestors were in Egypt,
they gave no thought to your miracles;
they did not remember your many kindnesses,
and they rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.
8 Yet he saved them for his name’s sake,
to make his mighty power known.
-Psalm 106:3 – 8
God shows favor even when I screw up…do wrong…sin. And ultimately, Jesus saves. He took every wrong thing I’ve done or will do and died for it…I am covered by grace NO MATTER WHAT I DO, so even when I do make wrong choices, God still loves me. He may be angered for a time, but ultimately, His favor rests upon me. Of course, I still need to use wisdom and discernment in decision making, and be repentant of known sin, but I need to REST in my decision making process, trusting that if I am seeking God, He will do right and good through me.
I do good because God is good, and He works through me. Read below for proof!
Ephesians 2:8-10
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I need to stop working to do good on my own. It takes too much energy…energy that could be used RESTING in Jesus.
On that note, I rest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
