I began 2011 with a restless heart, desperately desiring to understand and find true rest. Maybe I will write a book about it someday, but for now, let me just share one tidbit about what God taught me in regards to rest this year.
A GOD-CENTERED TRUST LEADS TO REST.
Trust: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of a person
Having complete confidence in God’s promises – He will always love me…never abandon me…and has plans for me that are too great to know…has brought rest to my life, a peace that is unexplainable. So often I desire to be in control of my life, prepped for and planning the future I believe would best suit me, but I learned that…
SELF-RELIANCE LEADS TO A CONSTANT STATE OF UNREST.
My lack of trust in God’s promises led me to believe that I could create a life for myself that would supersede anything God could offer me. The truth is it is only when I release the tight grip of control, and begin depending on God, focusing my heart and mind on His promises that I will find true rest.
“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.” Psalm 62:5
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Does obedience lead to rest?
I am at a crossroad. I can take the easy path or I can take the hard path.
As I was leaving church today, I was headed toward the easy path. The city roads that get me home in approximately the same amount of time no matter the day or hour. As I was preparing to turn right down the easy path, I made the decision to turn left. At that moment, I had no idea God was going to use I94-E to illustrate His desires for me.
Before I had even gotten into my car, I decided that I was going to use the time it took to drive home to listen for God’s voice. I didn’t know if He was going to speak. I didn’t know if I was going to hear Him.
I heard the sirens as I merged onto the freeway, and very quickly after I sped up to 60 miles an hour, I realized the ambulance, lights flashing, was behind me. I pulled to the side, and suddenly traffic slowed to a crawl. The ambulance sped past on the 2-lane interstate, and I stood still.
As I crawled along I94-E, I began thinking about that past fifteen minutes. Why did I want to take the city roads? There is certainty in taking the city roads. Sure, I’ll hit a stop light here or there, and maybe get stuck behind a slow driver, but most often, I will get home in approximately 25 minutes regardless. Why did I hesitate to take the freeway? There is uncertainty in taking the freeway, especially since there is construction that brings it from a 3 to a 2-lane highway. If I hit traffic, it might take me 45 minutes to get home. Ugh!
I chose to take the uncertain path today, of course, with the hopes that it would be even easier than the easy path. Unfortunately (because it took me a long time to get home)…or fortunately (I heard God’s voice)…whichever way I look at it, it turned out to be the hard path. Full of uncertainty and the “W” word. Waiting. There have been many times I have wanted to scramble those dreaded letters and officially take the word out of the Dictionary, but of course, I have no bearing on which words can be rejected…I don’t even know if words can be rejected. Anyway, here I sat in my sputtering Hyundai waiting (there’s something wrong with the mass air flow system so at times I thought I was going to be holding up traffic even longer w/ a dead car on the already 1-lane down highway).
I began thinking about a situation I am in right now in which I just want to take the easy path. I know, however, that God is asking me to choose the other path, the one with all kinds of uncertainty. I want with every ounce of energy to run down the easy path and never look back. As I continued to creep along the road, I saw an opportunity to get on to the blessed easy path! An exit ramp back to the city roads. I could be home in no time. As I was pondering this, I felt an overwhelming desire to continue down the hard path…to fight…to obey…to eventually conquer. Just past the exit, traffic began moving a little bit more quickly, and finally, I was on an open road working my way back up to 60 mph. Freedom.
I felt God saying, “Daughter, I’m calling you to the hard path, and I want you to obey. I know it is uncertain, and you’re scared but listen, baby girl, I want you to believe that I will be with you as you work your way through, and ultimately, you will find freedom at the end.”
I am choosing the hard road for a second time today. I am choosing to obey in the midst of uncertainty and fear, knowing that freedom is just up ahead. I have never been thankful for traffic, but today I am.
As I was leaving church today, I was headed toward the easy path. The city roads that get me home in approximately the same amount of time no matter the day or hour. As I was preparing to turn right down the easy path, I made the decision to turn left. At that moment, I had no idea God was going to use I94-E to illustrate His desires for me.
Before I had even gotten into my car, I decided that I was going to use the time it took to drive home to listen for God’s voice. I didn’t know if He was going to speak. I didn’t know if I was going to hear Him.
I heard the sirens as I merged onto the freeway, and very quickly after I sped up to 60 miles an hour, I realized the ambulance, lights flashing, was behind me. I pulled to the side, and suddenly traffic slowed to a crawl. The ambulance sped past on the 2-lane interstate, and I stood still.
As I crawled along I94-E, I began thinking about that past fifteen minutes. Why did I want to take the city roads? There is certainty in taking the city roads. Sure, I’ll hit a stop light here or there, and maybe get stuck behind a slow driver, but most often, I will get home in approximately 25 minutes regardless. Why did I hesitate to take the freeway? There is uncertainty in taking the freeway, especially since there is construction that brings it from a 3 to a 2-lane highway. If I hit traffic, it might take me 45 minutes to get home. Ugh!
I chose to take the uncertain path today, of course, with the hopes that it would be even easier than the easy path. Unfortunately (because it took me a long time to get home)…or fortunately (I heard God’s voice)…whichever way I look at it, it turned out to be the hard path. Full of uncertainty and the “W” word. Waiting. There have been many times I have wanted to scramble those dreaded letters and officially take the word out of the Dictionary, but of course, I have no bearing on which words can be rejected…I don’t even know if words can be rejected. Anyway, here I sat in my sputtering Hyundai waiting (there’s something wrong with the mass air flow system so at times I thought I was going to be holding up traffic even longer w/ a dead car on the already 1-lane down highway).
I began thinking about a situation I am in right now in which I just want to take the easy path. I know, however, that God is asking me to choose the other path, the one with all kinds of uncertainty. I want with every ounce of energy to run down the easy path and never look back. As I continued to creep along the road, I saw an opportunity to get on to the blessed easy path! An exit ramp back to the city roads. I could be home in no time. As I was pondering this, I felt an overwhelming desire to continue down the hard path…to fight…to obey…to eventually conquer. Just past the exit, traffic began moving a little bit more quickly, and finally, I was on an open road working my way back up to 60 mph. Freedom.
I felt God saying, “Daughter, I’m calling you to the hard path, and I want you to obey. I know it is uncertain, and you’re scared but listen, baby girl, I want you to believe that I will be with you as you work your way through, and ultimately, you will find freedom at the end.”
I am choosing the hard road for a second time today. I am choosing to obey in the midst of uncertainty and fear, knowing that freedom is just up ahead. I have never been thankful for traffic, but today I am.
Monday, March 28, 2011
A Little Girl and Her Daddy
3.28.11
“First He brought me here, it is by His will that I am in this strait place: in that fact I will REST.
Next, He will keep me here in His love, and give me grace to behave as His child.
Then, He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow.
Last, in His good time He can bring me out again—how and when He knows.
Let me say I am here,
1. By God’s appointment,
2. In His keeping,
3. Under His training,
4. For His time.”
-Andrew Murray
RESTing in the midst of difficult seasons is not easy for me. Typically these seasons are filled with anxiety, confusion, frustration, and gloom. I ask “why” and rarely find an answer. I try to run away, but rarely is that possible. I attempt to bury my head in the sand as if “hiding” is going to make the pain go away.
It isn’t until I turn my eyes to the One who brought me (or allowed me to be) here, that I find REST. He is the only One that can truly turn my anxiety to peace…confusion to clarity…frustration to serenity…gloom to joy. It is only through His love and grace that I can survive these trials in obedience, knowing that I will come out understanding a little bit more deeply what it means to REST in the midst of suffering. As I reflect on this now, I feel a sense of great peace knowing that my Daddy brings me into these difficult seasons only out of love for His little girl AND that He will always bring me out more mature and complete…and more in love with Him, which I’m guessing is exactly what a Daddy wants from His little girl.
So now I crawl up into His lap, tired and weary, lay my head on His chest, feeling His strong heartbeat full of love for me, and ask Him to help me be obedient in the midst of this season where I want to throw in the towel and say, “I’m done”.
“God will always make a way for His tired, yet trusting, children, even if He must split the sea to do it.”
-From a book called, “The Red Sea Rules”
“First He brought me here, it is by His will that I am in this strait place: in that fact I will REST.
Next, He will keep me here in His love, and give me grace to behave as His child.
Then, He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow.
Last, in His good time He can bring me out again—how and when He knows.
Let me say I am here,
1. By God’s appointment,
2. In His keeping,
3. Under His training,
4. For His time.”
-Andrew Murray
RESTing in the midst of difficult seasons is not easy for me. Typically these seasons are filled with anxiety, confusion, frustration, and gloom. I ask “why” and rarely find an answer. I try to run away, but rarely is that possible. I attempt to bury my head in the sand as if “hiding” is going to make the pain go away.
It isn’t until I turn my eyes to the One who brought me (or allowed me to be) here, that I find REST. He is the only One that can truly turn my anxiety to peace…confusion to clarity…frustration to serenity…gloom to joy. It is only through His love and grace that I can survive these trials in obedience, knowing that I will come out understanding a little bit more deeply what it means to REST in the midst of suffering. As I reflect on this now, I feel a sense of great peace knowing that my Daddy brings me into these difficult seasons only out of love for His little girl AND that He will always bring me out more mature and complete…and more in love with Him, which I’m guessing is exactly what a Daddy wants from His little girl.
So now I crawl up into His lap, tired and weary, lay my head on His chest, feeling His strong heartbeat full of love for me, and ask Him to help me be obedient in the midst of this season where I want to throw in the towel and say, “I’m done”.
“God will always make a way for His tired, yet trusting, children, even if He must split the sea to do it.”
-From a book called, “The Red Sea Rules”
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Breathe
3.19.11
“I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.”
“Breathe” by Anberlin
This song has a lot of memories.
I remember a time when the tears would often uncontrollably roll down my cheeks while I listened to these words, so badly desiring to breathe again. This was a stormy season in which I felt my spirit being stifled and my world rocked, the wind knocked out of me over and over again. During my jogs, I would cry out, “Lord, I want to breathe again! I want to feel alive again! Revive my spirit. Help me out of this pit of despair!” I couldn’t wait for the day when I could sing these words and truly mean it.
That day finally came, and the freedom that accompanied it was unbelievable.
A couple of weeks ago, I was running to this song, and I was brought back to that time. God taught me a lot about Himself, myself, and others during that most difficult season, but it certainly wasn’t fun in the midst of gasping for breath. Sometimes when I am presented with a decision of “right or wrong” (or I think there is a right or wrong – because sometimes there is no right or wrong), I feel breathless…no REST…just panting, wheezing, and desperate for fresh air. My mind races with possible outcomes…with potential consequences, good or bad…with the fear of displeasing my Father…with the fear of making the wrong decision! Frantic.
Last week, I got a glimpse of freedom…a hint of RESTful breathing. I decided I wanted to skip class…a very similar story to a few months ago, however, this time, there was very little turmoil with my decision. There were certainly instances throughout the day that I felt as if I had made the wrong decision, but this experience was a step toward freedom…a step toward understanding how to REST my mind. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but I wonder if it just comes with time, practice, and prayer, of course. I’m sure God will give me plenty more opportunities this year to make choices like this, and I can only hope and pray that I will continue to grow in RESTful confidence in decision-making.
I don’t think there will ever be a day here on this earth that I will be completely free to REST fully, but I believe God will honor my efforts, and one day I will be able to quote Anberlin’s lyrics and truly mean them again.
For now, I will celebrate a glimpse of RESTful breathing, and continue in this journey of learning how to REST.
“I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.”
“Breathe” by Anberlin
This song has a lot of memories.
I remember a time when the tears would often uncontrollably roll down my cheeks while I listened to these words, so badly desiring to breathe again. This was a stormy season in which I felt my spirit being stifled and my world rocked, the wind knocked out of me over and over again. During my jogs, I would cry out, “Lord, I want to breathe again! I want to feel alive again! Revive my spirit. Help me out of this pit of despair!” I couldn’t wait for the day when I could sing these words and truly mean it.
That day finally came, and the freedom that accompanied it was unbelievable.
A couple of weeks ago, I was running to this song, and I was brought back to that time. God taught me a lot about Himself, myself, and others during that most difficult season, but it certainly wasn’t fun in the midst of gasping for breath. Sometimes when I am presented with a decision of “right or wrong” (or I think there is a right or wrong – because sometimes there is no right or wrong), I feel breathless…no REST…just panting, wheezing, and desperate for fresh air. My mind races with possible outcomes…with potential consequences, good or bad…with the fear of displeasing my Father…with the fear of making the wrong decision! Frantic.
Last week, I got a glimpse of freedom…a hint of RESTful breathing. I decided I wanted to skip class…a very similar story to a few months ago, however, this time, there was very little turmoil with my decision. There were certainly instances throughout the day that I felt as if I had made the wrong decision, but this experience was a step toward freedom…a step toward understanding how to REST my mind. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but I wonder if it just comes with time, practice, and prayer, of course. I’m sure God will give me plenty more opportunities this year to make choices like this, and I can only hope and pray that I will continue to grow in RESTful confidence in decision-making.
I don’t think there will ever be a day here on this earth that I will be completely free to REST fully, but I believe God will honor my efforts, and one day I will be able to quote Anberlin’s lyrics and truly mean them again.
For now, I will celebrate a glimpse of RESTful breathing, and continue in this journey of learning how to REST.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Too Restless to Listen
3.12.11
“It just so happens” that God knows that music speaks to my heart.
The other night, I was saying goodbye to some people I love in a parking lot after a meeting, and as I was putting my car into drive, my friend held up his pointer finger signaling “wait!” I put my foot on the brake, rolled down my window, and waited for him to approach my car. He was very excited about sharing a cd with me, and eagerly said, “Listen to #5”.
A couple days later, I popped the cd into my laptop, and selected track #5, which “just so happened” to be called “RESTless”.
“You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens
Rising to Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
‘Till I rest in You
(Oh God I wanna rest in You)
Oh speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
‘Till I rest in You
Oh God I wanna rest in You
Still my heart
Hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow
Let it rise
Into a shout
Into a cry
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
'Till I rest in You
Oh God let me rest in You”
Luke had no idea that God has asked me to learn about REST in 2011. BUT God knew that He could use an ordinary person in my life to pass on a song that would speak to me.
I want to REST in You, Lord. Let me REST in You.
It seems that part of REST requires listening. Part of listening requires silence aka “not talking”.
God “just so happened” to use another ordinary person to speak to me a few days before I received these telling lyrics. It all started when I began explaining to Jeff how difficult the past 2 hours had been for me. Since October of 2008, I have been spending time with some wonderful people who have HIV/AIDS. There are two guys that have been at the house all along, but periodically there are new individuals that come to live there. This particular day, there was a new gentleman who was extremely talkative. I am not joking when I say that he talked for 2 hours straight. I couldn’t get a word in, which is pretty atypical for me. By the end of the night, I was completely worn out. After I told Jeff about the experience, he said that had happened to him once, and in the midst of the homeless man’s never-ending story, Jeff felt the Holy Spirit gently nudging him saying, “Look in the mirror”. Instantly, I knew that God was saying the same thing to me.
I love to pray BUT I love to talk. My prayer life is full of thanking, praising, petitioning, intercession, but rarely if ever, do I listen for that still small voice.
“It just so happens” that Lent was right around the corner of these interactions. I had been asking God to show me what He wanted me to do for these upcoming 40 days. He showed me. He wants me to listen, so I can REST in Him. So I have decided to fast for a meal once a week and spend that time in silence, listening for that still small voice. That may seem like peanuts to some, but for me, it’s a small step in the right direction of learning what it means to REST.
God, I want to REST in You. Help me to listen. Help me to hear You.
“It just so happens” that God knows that music speaks to my heart.
The other night, I was saying goodbye to some people I love in a parking lot after a meeting, and as I was putting my car into drive, my friend held up his pointer finger signaling “wait!” I put my foot on the brake, rolled down my window, and waited for him to approach my car. He was very excited about sharing a cd with me, and eagerly said, “Listen to #5”.
A couple days later, I popped the cd into my laptop, and selected track #5, which “just so happened” to be called “RESTless”.
“You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens
Rising to Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
‘Till I rest in You
(Oh God I wanna rest in You)
Oh speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
‘Till I rest in You
Oh God I wanna rest in You
Still my heart
Hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow
Let it rise
Into a shout
Into a cry
And I am restless
I’m restless
'Til I rest in You
'Till I rest in You
Oh God let me rest in You”
Luke had no idea that God has asked me to learn about REST in 2011. BUT God knew that He could use an ordinary person in my life to pass on a song that would speak to me.
I want to REST in You, Lord. Let me REST in You.
It seems that part of REST requires listening. Part of listening requires silence aka “not talking”.
God “just so happened” to use another ordinary person to speak to me a few days before I received these telling lyrics. It all started when I began explaining to Jeff how difficult the past 2 hours had been for me. Since October of 2008, I have been spending time with some wonderful people who have HIV/AIDS. There are two guys that have been at the house all along, but periodically there are new individuals that come to live there. This particular day, there was a new gentleman who was extremely talkative. I am not joking when I say that he talked for 2 hours straight. I couldn’t get a word in, which is pretty atypical for me. By the end of the night, I was completely worn out. After I told Jeff about the experience, he said that had happened to him once, and in the midst of the homeless man’s never-ending story, Jeff felt the Holy Spirit gently nudging him saying, “Look in the mirror”. Instantly, I knew that God was saying the same thing to me.
I love to pray BUT I love to talk. My prayer life is full of thanking, praising, petitioning, intercession, but rarely if ever, do I listen for that still small voice.
“It just so happens” that Lent was right around the corner of these interactions. I had been asking God to show me what He wanted me to do for these upcoming 40 days. He showed me. He wants me to listen, so I can REST in Him. So I have decided to fast for a meal once a week and spend that time in silence, listening for that still small voice. That may seem like peanuts to some, but for me, it’s a small step in the right direction of learning what it means to REST.
God, I want to REST in You. Help me to listen. Help me to hear You.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Crowns and Gold Metals
I used to be the queen of passive-aggressive behavior. I could have won a gold metal if there were prizes given for Best Passive-Aggressivist.
This behavior brought many challenges, but one of the most difficult for me was functioning in the presence of an individual whom I was upset or angry with. I would sulk in my own corner as far away from the person as possible, and if he would approach me, I would either refuse to talk or spout off unkind, sarcastic comments. I needed to show him that he hurt me. My sadness and/or anger would consume me, and I would shut down.
Shutting down was a key characteristic of this period in my life. There was absolutely no REST in my passive-aggressive behavior.
Several years ago, God sent a friend full of grace and mercy to challenge me in this unhealthy behavior. Not only did he help me identify it, but he also supported me through the pain of change.
Today I can say that I have given my crown and gold metal away, and have grown tremendously in my conflict resolution skills. Of course, there are still times I find myself going back to that default coping mechanism, but overall, I feel free.
Throughout these past few years, I have learned to function pretty well in most situations, including those in which I am uncomfortable or uncertain. In the moment, I find REST in God’s loving grace. In the moment, I am typically able to be myself even if there is tension or confusion. What I continue to struggle with, however, is finding REST in the moments before and/or after an uncomfortable or uncertain situation.
Thank you, Jesus, for taking my crown and gold metal. Thank you in advance for providing me with REST in the moments before and/or after uncomfortable or uncertain situations.
Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you…The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:13 – 14
This behavior brought many challenges, but one of the most difficult for me was functioning in the presence of an individual whom I was upset or angry with. I would sulk in my own corner as far away from the person as possible, and if he would approach me, I would either refuse to talk or spout off unkind, sarcastic comments. I needed to show him that he hurt me. My sadness and/or anger would consume me, and I would shut down.
Shutting down was a key characteristic of this period in my life. There was absolutely no REST in my passive-aggressive behavior.
Several years ago, God sent a friend full of grace and mercy to challenge me in this unhealthy behavior. Not only did he help me identify it, but he also supported me through the pain of change.
Today I can say that I have given my crown and gold metal away, and have grown tremendously in my conflict resolution skills. Of course, there are still times I find myself going back to that default coping mechanism, but overall, I feel free.
Throughout these past few years, I have learned to function pretty well in most situations, including those in which I am uncomfortable or uncertain. In the moment, I find REST in God’s loving grace. In the moment, I am typically able to be myself even if there is tension or confusion. What I continue to struggle with, however, is finding REST in the moments before and/or after an uncomfortable or uncertain situation.
Thank you, Jesus, for taking my crown and gold metal. Thank you in advance for providing me with REST in the moments before and/or after uncomfortable or uncertain situations.
Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you…The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:13 – 14
Not Yet
2.28.11
I’m convinced that God has 3 answers to my prayers, and yours too.
Yes.
No.
Wait.
For a while, I was in the waiting period. Then, out of the blue, completely unexpected, His answer was YES! I should have been super excited, right? Well, instead of RESTing in His YES, and saying “Thank you”, I contemplated taking the prayer request back (even though I knew I couldn’t because as I said, He had just answered it with a big, fat YES).
Why was my reaction lacking REST? Especially when I was receiving something I had desired for a long time?
CHANGE.
I think I struggle to REST, to find God’s peace, in the midst of change and transition. I was going along in life with my agenda, flowing smoothly, allowing God to control some parts of my life, of course, but when this YES came, it meant CHANGE in another part of my life. Good CHANGE, but still an adjustment I just didn’t know if I was ready for yet. It was something I wanted, but maybe not yet. I kind of like my routine. It’s comfortable. There isn’t much risk. I’m in control.
Not yet.
I have a feeling that God knows that “not yet” could hold me back from the great plans He has for my life. Fortunately, He has equipped a few of my favorites with the gift of encouragement, the ability to ground me when I feel RESTless and uncertain, and the wisdom to challenge me in my “not yets”. Thank You, Daddy, and thank You for working through my favorites.
MY GOAL - Learn how to REST in the YESes, Nos, and Waits.
I’m convinced that God has 3 answers to my prayers, and yours too.
Yes.
No.
Wait.
For a while, I was in the waiting period. Then, out of the blue, completely unexpected, His answer was YES! I should have been super excited, right? Well, instead of RESTing in His YES, and saying “Thank you”, I contemplated taking the prayer request back (even though I knew I couldn’t because as I said, He had just answered it with a big, fat YES).
Why was my reaction lacking REST? Especially when I was receiving something I had desired for a long time?
CHANGE.
I think I struggle to REST, to find God’s peace, in the midst of change and transition. I was going along in life with my agenda, flowing smoothly, allowing God to control some parts of my life, of course, but when this YES came, it meant CHANGE in another part of my life. Good CHANGE, but still an adjustment I just didn’t know if I was ready for yet. It was something I wanted, but maybe not yet. I kind of like my routine. It’s comfortable. There isn’t much risk. I’m in control.
Not yet.
I have a feeling that God knows that “not yet” could hold me back from the great plans He has for my life. Fortunately, He has equipped a few of my favorites with the gift of encouragement, the ability to ground me when I feel RESTless and uncertain, and the wisdom to challenge me in my “not yets”. Thank You, Daddy, and thank You for working through my favorites.
MY GOAL - Learn how to REST in the YESes, Nos, and Waits.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Everlasting Rest
2.24.11
That is why the Holy Spirit says,
“Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled, when they tested me in the wilderness. There your ancestors tested and tried my patience, even though they saw my miracles for forty years.
So I was angry with them, and I said,
‘Their hearts always turn away from me. They refuse to do what I tell them. ‘
So in my anger I took an oath: ‘They will never enter my place of rest.’” Hebrews 3:7 – 11
And to whom was God speaking when he took an oath that they would never enter his rest? Wasn’t it the people who disobeyed him? So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter his rest. Hebrews 3:18 – 19
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
I want to believe. I want to obey. I want to trust. I want to be patient. I want to enter Your REST.
Lord, please help me with these desires. I know you want to give me peace of mind all the days of my life. You want me to rest in Your mighty, but gentle arms.
I think all too often I try to control my life, and I consistently fail. I think I know what’s best for me, and I put my trust and hope in what is seen. But God says through Paul, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)
I know when I fix my eyes on the temporary – the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day ahead of me, a large student loan debt, the potential for a life without an earthly husband – there is very little hope, and left to my own devices, this is what I do. Eat junk food, browse the internet mindlessly, surf television channels. I may find satisfaction in the ½ batch of peanut butter cheerio treats or the Law and Order: SVU marathon, but the fulfillment certainly doesn’t last longer than the 30 minutes it takes to go back and forth to the kitchen to eat the dessert or the 6 hours of being a couch potato (Disclaimer: The ridiculous quantity of cheerio treats and the all-day marathon have only happened ONCE.). Is this unbelief? Is God not faithful to His promises?
RATHER than focusing on my circumstances, which are temporary, and making poor choices in coping with them, why not follow God’s advice – FOCUS ON WHAT IS UNSEEN, THE ETERNAL. YES, I will have painful days BUT God says that suffering creates perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3), and that I can find His REST…peace…in the midst of the pain (5:1). YES, I have a great amount of money to pay back to the U.S. Department of Education BUT God promises to richly provide for all my needs. Worrying about wealth (or the lack thereof), which is so uncertain (1 Timothy 6:17), will not bring me REST. Rather, I should focus on the God-given gifts that have been enhanced in graduate school because of the financial assistance, and use them well as I counsel God’s created. REST will come when I focus on the fact that God knows what I need more than I do. YES, I am currently single BUT God promises to those who walk blamelessly before Him and trust in Him not to withhold good things (Psalm 84:11-12). So even if am never united with a man, God only will have withheld marriage because it is not good for me, and He will use me for His eternal purposes as a single woman. I can REST in that.
Ultimately, I live by faith, not by sight (2 Corithians 5:7), knowing that God has an eternal house in heaven for me (5:1)…that the pain and suffering here on earth only last for but a moment (eternally speaking, of course). Rather than placing my hope in idols or useless time wasters (the temporary) to give me REST…peace…I desire to place my hope in God’s promise for me (the eternal). He is faithful. He will give me TRUE REST. Help my unbelief.
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
“Unbelief means failing to rest in Jesus as your greatest treasure. So helping each other believe means showing people reasons why Jesus is more to be desired and trusted and loved than anything else.” John Piper
That is why the Holy Spirit says,
“Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts as Israel did when they rebelled, when they tested me in the wilderness. There your ancestors tested and tried my patience, even though they saw my miracles for forty years.
So I was angry with them, and I said,
‘Their hearts always turn away from me. They refuse to do what I tell them. ‘
So in my anger I took an oath: ‘They will never enter my place of rest.’” Hebrews 3:7 – 11
And to whom was God speaking when he took an oath that they would never enter his rest? Wasn’t it the people who disobeyed him? So we see that because of their unbelief they were not able to enter his rest. Hebrews 3:18 – 19
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
I want to believe. I want to obey. I want to trust. I want to be patient. I want to enter Your REST.
Lord, please help me with these desires. I know you want to give me peace of mind all the days of my life. You want me to rest in Your mighty, but gentle arms.
I think all too often I try to control my life, and I consistently fail. I think I know what’s best for me, and I put my trust and hope in what is seen. But God says through Paul, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)
I know when I fix my eyes on the temporary – the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day ahead of me, a large student loan debt, the potential for a life without an earthly husband – there is very little hope, and left to my own devices, this is what I do. Eat junk food, browse the internet mindlessly, surf television channels. I may find satisfaction in the ½ batch of peanut butter cheerio treats or the Law and Order: SVU marathon, but the fulfillment certainly doesn’t last longer than the 30 minutes it takes to go back and forth to the kitchen to eat the dessert or the 6 hours of being a couch potato (Disclaimer: The ridiculous quantity of cheerio treats and the all-day marathon have only happened ONCE.). Is this unbelief? Is God not faithful to His promises?
RATHER than focusing on my circumstances, which are temporary, and making poor choices in coping with them, why not follow God’s advice – FOCUS ON WHAT IS UNSEEN, THE ETERNAL. YES, I will have painful days BUT God says that suffering creates perseverance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3), and that I can find His REST…peace…in the midst of the pain (5:1). YES, I have a great amount of money to pay back to the U.S. Department of Education BUT God promises to richly provide for all my needs. Worrying about wealth (or the lack thereof), which is so uncertain (1 Timothy 6:17), will not bring me REST. Rather, I should focus on the God-given gifts that have been enhanced in graduate school because of the financial assistance, and use them well as I counsel God’s created. REST will come when I focus on the fact that God knows what I need more than I do. YES, I am currently single BUT God promises to those who walk blamelessly before Him and trust in Him not to withhold good things (Psalm 84:11-12). So even if am never united with a man, God only will have withheld marriage because it is not good for me, and He will use me for His eternal purposes as a single woman. I can REST in that.
Ultimately, I live by faith, not by sight (2 Corithians 5:7), knowing that God has an eternal house in heaven for me (5:1)…that the pain and suffering here on earth only last for but a moment (eternally speaking, of course). Rather than placing my hope in idols or useless time wasters (the temporary) to give me REST…peace…I desire to place my hope in God’s promise for me (the eternal). He is faithful. He will give me TRUE REST. Help my unbelief.
Be careful then, dear T. Make sure that your own heart is not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still “today,” so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ. Hebrews 3:12 – 14
“Unbelief means failing to rest in Jesus as your greatest treasure. So helping each other believe means showing people reasons why Jesus is more to be desired and trusted and loved than anything else.” John Piper
Worth is NOT Contingent on Doing
2.7.11
I have been reading fiction stories almost every night before I go to bed. I discovered several months ago that it helps me to calm my brain before I dose off for some zzzz’s. God is so perfect in His timing. This is what I read a couple of nights ago, in the midst of freaking out about “good and bad”, “right and wrong”.
“How should a Christian feel about the little moments of her life? Do I sometimes sacrifice the moments for the mission? Does my busyness please my Savior?...I thought about how guilty I feel when I sit in the sun and enjoy its warmth. How I squirm when I’m asked to wait in the doctor’s office. I thought about the lists hanging at that very moment from the front of my refrigerator.” Bette Nordberg, “A Season of Grace”
It reminded me about something Pete Briscoe said about a week ago while he was preaching a message. He basically said that for many people in our Christian walks, we start out walking with Jesus, but we end up working for Jesus. When I heard that, I screamed (in my mind, of course), “That’s my life!”
A week later, I believe the day after I read the above chapter of “A Season of Grace”, I talked to my best friend, Heather, about my struggle with “right and wrong”, “good and bad”, the angel and devil mental battle. Her words were so wise; I’m sure coming straight from our Heavenly Father, knowing exactly what I needed to hear. She basically told me to take the worth out of my time or in other words, mentally take the importance out of what I do. She continued to say that what I do in the next 10 minutes will not determine God’s love for me, or the salvation of that person I have to tell about Jesus, or insert “should” or “must” here. I fill my mind with a lot of black and white thinking…a lot of I “should” do this, and if I don’t I’m a bad Christian or I’m letting God down or I’m doing something wrong, etc. Heather reminded me that MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. I’m always so focused on letting God down. Remember the video I wrote about a couple of week ago? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk ) The “typical Christian” in the skit expresses exactly the way I feel sometimes, “I’ve let you down so many times.” And then God replies, “No. You were never holding me up. I hold you up with my victorious, righteous right hand. In this relationship, I hold you up.” If I would just surrender control, it would make that so much more clear.
The truth is, though, that there is nothing I (key word, “I”) can do to make Him love me more or less. MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. God speaks into the Christian’s life by saying, “You’ve listened to far too many voices that aren’t of me. You think you’re junk, don’t you? Listen to me. I don’t make junk. What does that say about me? How can I show you that my love for you has no boundaries?” Even in the midst of pain, where God is chiseling me into His original masterpiece, He is doing that to make me more like Him...He is doing it out of love. His love is so great that He cannot leave me where I am at…reflecting some part that is not of Him. I will NEVER be perfect, so there will always be chiseling, but it is continuously out of God’s love for me. He doesn’t look at me, and say “You aren’t good enough.” He looks at me and says, “You are doing well, but I want you to look more like me.” He says, “You are my workmanship and I find favor in you.” He doesn’t have a smile on His face as He chisels away at me…it hurts Him too. But in the end, when I look more like Him, we are both smiling!
He finds FAVOR in me.
1 I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
– Psalm 30:1 – 5
Good people obtain favor from the LORD, but he condemns those who devise wicked schemes.
– Proverbs 12:2
3 Blessed are those who act justly,
who always do what is right.
4 Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people,
come to my aid when you save them,
5 that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones,
that I may share in the joy of your nation
and join your inheritance in giving praise.
6 We have sinned, even as our ancestors did;
we have done wrong and acted wickedly.
7 When our ancestors were in Egypt,
they gave no thought to your miracles;
they did not remember your many kindnesses,
and they rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.
8 Yet he saved them for his name’s sake,
to make his mighty power known.
-Psalm 106:3 – 8
God shows favor even when I screw up…do wrong…sin. And ultimately, Jesus saves. He took every wrong thing I’ve done or will do and died for it…I am covered by grace NO MATTER WHAT I DO, so even when I do make wrong choices, God still loves me. He may be angered for a time, but ultimately, His favor rests upon me. Of course, I still need to use wisdom and discernment in decision making, and be repentant of known sin, but I need to REST in my decision making process, trusting that if I am seeking God, He will do right and good through me.
I do good because God is good, and He works through me. Read below for proof!
Ephesians 2:8-10
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I need to stop working to do good on my own. It takes too much energy…energy that could be used RESTING in Jesus.
On that note, I rest.
I have been reading fiction stories almost every night before I go to bed. I discovered several months ago that it helps me to calm my brain before I dose off for some zzzz’s. God is so perfect in His timing. This is what I read a couple of nights ago, in the midst of freaking out about “good and bad”, “right and wrong”.
“How should a Christian feel about the little moments of her life? Do I sometimes sacrifice the moments for the mission? Does my busyness please my Savior?...I thought about how guilty I feel when I sit in the sun and enjoy its warmth. How I squirm when I’m asked to wait in the doctor’s office. I thought about the lists hanging at that very moment from the front of my refrigerator.” Bette Nordberg, “A Season of Grace”
It reminded me about something Pete Briscoe said about a week ago while he was preaching a message. He basically said that for many people in our Christian walks, we start out walking with Jesus, but we end up working for Jesus. When I heard that, I screamed (in my mind, of course), “That’s my life!”
A week later, I believe the day after I read the above chapter of “A Season of Grace”, I talked to my best friend, Heather, about my struggle with “right and wrong”, “good and bad”, the angel and devil mental battle. Her words were so wise; I’m sure coming straight from our Heavenly Father, knowing exactly what I needed to hear. She basically told me to take the worth out of my time or in other words, mentally take the importance out of what I do. She continued to say that what I do in the next 10 minutes will not determine God’s love for me, or the salvation of that person I have to tell about Jesus, or insert “should” or “must” here. I fill my mind with a lot of black and white thinking…a lot of I “should” do this, and if I don’t I’m a bad Christian or I’m letting God down or I’m doing something wrong, etc. Heather reminded me that MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. I’m always so focused on letting God down. Remember the video I wrote about a couple of week ago? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk ) The “typical Christian” in the skit expresses exactly the way I feel sometimes, “I’ve let you down so many times.” And then God replies, “No. You were never holding me up. I hold you up with my victorious, righteous right hand. In this relationship, I hold you up.” If I would just surrender control, it would make that so much more clear.
The truth is, though, that there is nothing I (key word, “I”) can do to make Him love me more or less. MY WORTH IS NOT CONTINGENT ON WHAT I DO. God speaks into the Christian’s life by saying, “You’ve listened to far too many voices that aren’t of me. You think you’re junk, don’t you? Listen to me. I don’t make junk. What does that say about me? How can I show you that my love for you has no boundaries?” Even in the midst of pain, where God is chiseling me into His original masterpiece, He is doing that to make me more like Him...He is doing it out of love. His love is so great that He cannot leave me where I am at…reflecting some part that is not of Him. I will NEVER be perfect, so there will always be chiseling, but it is continuously out of God’s love for me. He doesn’t look at me, and say “You aren’t good enough.” He looks at me and says, “You are doing well, but I want you to look more like me.” He says, “You are my workmanship and I find favor in you.” He doesn’t have a smile on His face as He chisels away at me…it hurts Him too. But in the end, when I look more like Him, we are both smiling!
He finds FAVOR in me.
1 I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
– Psalm 30:1 – 5
Good people obtain favor from the LORD, but he condemns those who devise wicked schemes.
– Proverbs 12:2
3 Blessed are those who act justly,
who always do what is right.
4 Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people,
come to my aid when you save them,
5 that I may enjoy the prosperity of your chosen ones,
that I may share in the joy of your nation
and join your inheritance in giving praise.
6 We have sinned, even as our ancestors did;
we have done wrong and acted wickedly.
7 When our ancestors were in Egypt,
they gave no thought to your miracles;
they did not remember your many kindnesses,
and they rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.
8 Yet he saved them for his name’s sake,
to make his mighty power known.
-Psalm 106:3 – 8
God shows favor even when I screw up…do wrong…sin. And ultimately, Jesus saves. He took every wrong thing I’ve done or will do and died for it…I am covered by grace NO MATTER WHAT I DO, so even when I do make wrong choices, God still loves me. He may be angered for a time, but ultimately, His favor rests upon me. Of course, I still need to use wisdom and discernment in decision making, and be repentant of known sin, but I need to REST in my decision making process, trusting that if I am seeking God, He will do right and good through me.
I do good because God is good, and He works through me. Read below for proof!
Ephesians 2:8-10
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
I need to stop working to do good on my own. It takes too much energy…energy that could be used RESTING in Jesus.
On that note, I rest.
In Waiting on God, I Shall Find Rest
2.7.11
“Let us resolve at once that it shall be the one characteristic of our life and worship, a continual, humble, truthful waiting upon God. We may rest assured that He who made us for Himself, that He might give Himself to us and in us, that He will never disappoint us. In waiting on Him we shall find REST and joy and strength, and the supply of every need.” Andrew Murray, “Waiting on God”
According to Andrew Murray, waiting on God means an utter dependence on God. Continual. Humble. Truthful….dependence on God. I am able to find rest (and joy and strength) when I depend on Him. He, in fact, will supply all my needs when I depend on Him.
Easier said than done. WHY?
My name is T and I am a control freak. It takes conscious effort to give up control, and depend on someone else. For the past 12 years, I have learned how to become independent, and in that time (and maybe there are some characteristics from before that time as well), I have learned very well how to control my life. I do certain things to try to make my life look like what I want it to. It doesn’t always work out the way I’d like it to, but I certainly try hard. I’ve been following Jesus for about 6 years. I’ve been struggling to give up control for about 6 years.
How on earth do I surrender control of my life and utterly depend on God?
That may be a key question in learning how to rest. In depending on Him, I shall find REST (and joy and strength…bonus!).
“Let us resolve at once that it shall be the one characteristic of our life and worship, a continual, humble, truthful waiting upon God. We may rest assured that He who made us for Himself, that He might give Himself to us and in us, that He will never disappoint us. In waiting on Him we shall find REST and joy and strength, and the supply of every need.” Andrew Murray, “Waiting on God”
According to Andrew Murray, waiting on God means an utter dependence on God. Continual. Humble. Truthful….dependence on God. I am able to find rest (and joy and strength) when I depend on Him. He, in fact, will supply all my needs when I depend on Him.
Easier said than done. WHY?
My name is T and I am a control freak. It takes conscious effort to give up control, and depend on someone else. For the past 12 years, I have learned how to become independent, and in that time (and maybe there are some characteristics from before that time as well), I have learned very well how to control my life. I do certain things to try to make my life look like what I want it to. It doesn’t always work out the way I’d like it to, but I certainly try hard. I’ve been following Jesus for about 6 years. I’ve been struggling to give up control for about 6 years.
How on earth do I surrender control of my life and utterly depend on God?
That may be a key question in learning how to rest. In depending on Him, I shall find REST (and joy and strength…bonus!).
Resting Difficulties
2.3.2011
Why is resting so difficult for me? I continuously doubt myself in the validity of rest. Of course it is valid time spent…the One and Only Jesus rested! I think the most difficult thing for me so far is deciding whether or not resting is right or wrong/good or bad in the particular moment/situation I am choosing to rest in.
Let me explain.
A couple of days ago, it was unclear as to whether or not we were going to get 2 – 4 inches of snow during the evening, but most weather stations were declaring that it was probably a small chance. Earlier in the morning, however, the meteorologists were talking about the BLIZZARD of 2011 that was on its way. It was supposed to begin with a few inches that night. Well, as the day went on, the chance of it significantly snowing that night were slim to none. BUT I had already determined earlier in the day that the chance of snow was a valid reason to skip class. Besides, I wasn’t looking forward to the discussion we were going to have anyway. Once I found out that it seemed like the snow was going to hold off one more night, I was really disappointed because I felt like I didn’t have a good excuse to skip class. Ridiculous. In the syllabus, it says we are allowed a free skip day. No excuse needed.
This is what went on in my head for nearly the whole day.
“You should go to class. It’s the right thing to do.”
“But you’re learning about rest. Why not just take this day off?”
“There is no good reason to skip. It’s not good to skip class. It’s wrong.”
“Why do I need a reason? It’s a free day. A day to rest. Why can’t I rest now?”
“It’s only the second week of class. Besides you had an assignment and you should participate in class.”
“Forget it. I’m skipping. Now I’m in a bad mood, and feel guilty for skipping. But I don’t care.”
It was literally like the angel and devil screaming in my mind. So frustrating. It ended up not feeling restful because I felt guilty for skipping class.
I know God calls me to rest. AND I know God calls me to work. Finding the balance of how much of each I participate in seems impossible to me. What is glorifying to you, my Lord? Please show me. I want to be satisfied completely in You. I want to be free from all this “right and wrong”…”good and bad” stuff. I want to learn how to rest. I want to just be me, which if I am delighting myself in You, will, in fact, reflect You.
Why is resting so difficult for me? I continuously doubt myself in the validity of rest. Of course it is valid time spent…the One and Only Jesus rested! I think the most difficult thing for me so far is deciding whether or not resting is right or wrong/good or bad in the particular moment/situation I am choosing to rest in.
Let me explain.
A couple of days ago, it was unclear as to whether or not we were going to get 2 – 4 inches of snow during the evening, but most weather stations were declaring that it was probably a small chance. Earlier in the morning, however, the meteorologists were talking about the BLIZZARD of 2011 that was on its way. It was supposed to begin with a few inches that night. Well, as the day went on, the chance of it significantly snowing that night were slim to none. BUT I had already determined earlier in the day that the chance of snow was a valid reason to skip class. Besides, I wasn’t looking forward to the discussion we were going to have anyway. Once I found out that it seemed like the snow was going to hold off one more night, I was really disappointed because I felt like I didn’t have a good excuse to skip class. Ridiculous. In the syllabus, it says we are allowed a free skip day. No excuse needed.
This is what went on in my head for nearly the whole day.
“You should go to class. It’s the right thing to do.”
“But you’re learning about rest. Why not just take this day off?”
“There is no good reason to skip. It’s not good to skip class. It’s wrong.”
“Why do I need a reason? It’s a free day. A day to rest. Why can’t I rest now?”
“It’s only the second week of class. Besides you had an assignment and you should participate in class.”
“Forget it. I’m skipping. Now I’m in a bad mood, and feel guilty for skipping. But I don’t care.”
It was literally like the angel and devil screaming in my mind. So frustrating. It ended up not feeling restful because I felt guilty for skipping class.
I know God calls me to rest. AND I know God calls me to work. Finding the balance of how much of each I participate in seems impossible to me. What is glorifying to you, my Lord? Please show me. I want to be satisfied completely in You. I want to be free from all this “right and wrong”…”good and bad” stuff. I want to learn how to rest. I want to just be me, which if I am delighting myself in You, will, in fact, reflect You.
Learn How to Rest - Sincerely, GOD
1.31.11
I began 2011 feeling a heavy burden. As I reflected on the past 3 ½ years, I realized how formative these years were for my Christian life. Formative in a sense in which I felt as if I had been constantly challenged to grow, become better, do more…constantly stretched beyond myself. As I drove with my friend, Jeff, on New Year’s Day), I was overwhelmingly desiring a break from God’s challenges. “I’m tired of being challenged. I’m weary from always trying to better myself…to do good. I just want a break God.”
The next day my pastor spoke about character…the character that gets us through the storms of life. He showed us a video called “God’s Chisel” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk), which is a creative skit portraying what it’s like for a typical believer to go through the process of discipline…to be chiseled into God’s masterpiece. We fight it. We make excuses for our less than Christlike character. We’d rather control our circumstances than put them in God’s hands. BUT really, we know that letting God forge our character and letting God control our circumstances leads to abundant life. The video showed me that God loves me too much to leave me where I’m at…indeed, a Father disciplines the ones He loves.
So I thought to myself, “Maybe asking God for a break is trying to control Him.” Instead of allowing Him to chisel away at those impurities that prevent me from showing His character…instead of allowing him to stretch and challenge me in my ways…I was asking Him to just leave me where I’m at.
Because Jeff and I had talked about this idea of desiring a break the day before, I texted him my thoughts about my request being another way for me to control God (I have a track record of trying to be the one in control). His response was this: “Maybe. Depends. You seem to be someone who is more likely to use business as control, not rest. I bet you might be scared of rest.”
So…taking a break = REST? At first, I brushed the idea aside. “I’m not afraid of rest.” BUT…there I was dreading my soon-to-be trip to Seattle to see my BEST friend, Heather. I couldn’t figure out why I was not excited to go…we always had amazing times together. It’s so interesting how God always has everything planned out perfectly and uses circumstances to teach us about ourselves and Him. As I continued to think about the trip and this idea of being fearful of rest, I realized that I was not excited to go because I knew that I would be stuck in Heather’s apartment for a whole week…alone…while she worked during the day. I was going to be forced to REST! “I am, indeed, afraid of rest.” Jeff was right.
In asking God for a break, I was really asking God for rest. I just didn’t know it. Really, my original thoughts led down this path: “I want to be free from being challenged…to be free from being stretched. I’m tired of working so hard. I’m tired of striving to be good…to be right. I’ll never be good enough and I’m tired of constantly feeling challenged”. For a few days, I was frustrated with God for chiseling me, and just wanted freedom from the burden I was feeling. I just wanted freedom to be me. The great thing is that I learned through this process that I CAN JUST BE ME! In fact, God wants me to just be me. He doesn’t want me to fight His work in my life…His discipline in my life, BUT he wants me to REST IN HIM.
My original desire to take a break may have, indeed, been my way of trying to control God…my way of saying, “I would rather control my circumstances than put them in God’s hand. I would rather stay the same for a while just so I can be comfortable and not worry about doing the right thing. I would rather life be easy for now”. By using my pastor's message, the video, and Jeff, God took that original twisted desire and turned into a godly desire. Now my desire to “take a break” means to learn how to REST in the One who loves me enough to not let me stay the same…the One who will do a good work in and through me. I can be free from striving to be good and right because it is through resting in God that I am good and do right. I can just be me, letting God forge my character and control my circumstances. How abundant life will be just being me.
Below is a quote from a book called “Waiting on God” by Andrew Murray. He sums up my thoughts perfectly.
“Let us think of ourselves, and the inconceivably glorious salvation God has wrought for us in Christ, and is now purposing to work out and to perfect in us by His Spirit. Let us meditate until we somewhat realize that every participation of this great salvation, from moment to moment, must be the work of God Himself. God cannot part with His grace, or goodness, or strength, as an external thing that He gives us, as He gives the raindrops from Heaven. No, He can only give it, and we can only enjoy it, as He works it Himself directly and unceasingly. And the only reason that He does not work it more effectually and continuously is that we do not let Him. We hinder Him either by our indifference or by our self-effort, so that He cannot do what He would. What He asks of us, in the way of surrender, and obedience, and desire, and trust, is all comprised in this word: waiting on Him, waiting for His salvation. It combines the deep sense of our entire helplessness of ourselves to work what is divinely good, and our perfect confidence that our God will work it all in His divine power.” Andrew Murray, “Waiting on God”
I began 2011 feeling a heavy burden. As I reflected on the past 3 ½ years, I realized how formative these years were for my Christian life. Formative in a sense in which I felt as if I had been constantly challenged to grow, become better, do more…constantly stretched beyond myself. As I drove with my friend, Jeff, on New Year’s Day), I was overwhelmingly desiring a break from God’s challenges. “I’m tired of being challenged. I’m weary from always trying to better myself…to do good. I just want a break God.”
The next day my pastor spoke about character…the character that gets us through the storms of life. He showed us a video called “God’s Chisel” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk), which is a creative skit portraying what it’s like for a typical believer to go through the process of discipline…to be chiseled into God’s masterpiece. We fight it. We make excuses for our less than Christlike character. We’d rather control our circumstances than put them in God’s hands. BUT really, we know that letting God forge our character and letting God control our circumstances leads to abundant life. The video showed me that God loves me too much to leave me where I’m at…indeed, a Father disciplines the ones He loves.
So I thought to myself, “Maybe asking God for a break is trying to control Him.” Instead of allowing Him to chisel away at those impurities that prevent me from showing His character…instead of allowing him to stretch and challenge me in my ways…I was asking Him to just leave me where I’m at.
Because Jeff and I had talked about this idea of desiring a break the day before, I texted him my thoughts about my request being another way for me to control God (I have a track record of trying to be the one in control). His response was this: “Maybe. Depends. You seem to be someone who is more likely to use business as control, not rest. I bet you might be scared of rest.”
So…taking a break = REST? At first, I brushed the idea aside. “I’m not afraid of rest.” BUT…there I was dreading my soon-to-be trip to Seattle to see my BEST friend, Heather. I couldn’t figure out why I was not excited to go…we always had amazing times together. It’s so interesting how God always has everything planned out perfectly and uses circumstances to teach us about ourselves and Him. As I continued to think about the trip and this idea of being fearful of rest, I realized that I was not excited to go because I knew that I would be stuck in Heather’s apartment for a whole week…alone…while she worked during the day. I was going to be forced to REST! “I am, indeed, afraid of rest.” Jeff was right.
In asking God for a break, I was really asking God for rest. I just didn’t know it. Really, my original thoughts led down this path: “I want to be free from being challenged…to be free from being stretched. I’m tired of working so hard. I’m tired of striving to be good…to be right. I’ll never be good enough and I’m tired of constantly feeling challenged”. For a few days, I was frustrated with God for chiseling me, and just wanted freedom from the burden I was feeling. I just wanted freedom to be me. The great thing is that I learned through this process that I CAN JUST BE ME! In fact, God wants me to just be me. He doesn’t want me to fight His work in my life…His discipline in my life, BUT he wants me to REST IN HIM.
My original desire to take a break may have, indeed, been my way of trying to control God…my way of saying, “I would rather control my circumstances than put them in God’s hand. I would rather stay the same for a while just so I can be comfortable and not worry about doing the right thing. I would rather life be easy for now”. By using my pastor's message, the video, and Jeff, God took that original twisted desire and turned into a godly desire. Now my desire to “take a break” means to learn how to REST in the One who loves me enough to not let me stay the same…the One who will do a good work in and through me. I can be free from striving to be good and right because it is through resting in God that I am good and do right. I can just be me, letting God forge my character and control my circumstances. How abundant life will be just being me.
Below is a quote from a book called “Waiting on God” by Andrew Murray. He sums up my thoughts perfectly.
“Let us think of ourselves, and the inconceivably glorious salvation God has wrought for us in Christ, and is now purposing to work out and to perfect in us by His Spirit. Let us meditate until we somewhat realize that every participation of this great salvation, from moment to moment, must be the work of God Himself. God cannot part with His grace, or goodness, or strength, as an external thing that He gives us, as He gives the raindrops from Heaven. No, He can only give it, and we can only enjoy it, as He works it Himself directly and unceasingly. And the only reason that He does not work it more effectually and continuously is that we do not let Him. We hinder Him either by our indifference or by our self-effort, so that He cannot do what He would. What He asks of us, in the way of surrender, and obedience, and desire, and trust, is all comprised in this word: waiting on Him, waiting for His salvation. It combines the deep sense of our entire helplessness of ourselves to work what is divinely good, and our perfect confidence that our God will work it all in His divine power.” Andrew Murray, “Waiting on God”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
